


A Temporary Position

by Dissipating_Mango



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alien Biology, Denial of Feelings, Dib is a senior in highschool, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, I wrote smut and accidentally gave it a plot so just bear with me lmao, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, More like enemies with benefits to lovers, Smut, possessive!Dib, tentacle stuff, xenophillia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2020-12-17 06:35:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21049910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dissipating_Mango/pseuds/Dissipating_Mango
Summary: "It is in my best interest I have a heat-mate around for the duration of my cycle. It should be no longer than a few more earth days""A heat-mate?" Dib frowned. "What does that entail, exactly? Are we, dating?"Zim blinked and then let out a loud laugh."Ahahaha! Stupid human, Zim is no love-pig of the Dib!" He snickered. "Consider this a temporary position. You are no more important to me than a standard issue breeding drone"





	1. Secret Missions

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this as a one shot but then I had to go and Feel Things, so here we are. 
> 
> Expect another update soon, chapter two is in the works. I'm posting this in the hopes I can stop abandoning every wip I have ever done but no promises

Zim kept most of his life running like clockwork. Everything was scheduled as efficiently as possible, no time wasted, except for the appropriately planned wasted time slot, thank you very much. He knew his routine, could probably recite it aloud if he wanted, which was why this made no sense.

He was in heat.

Or, well, not quite heat yet. But the precursorary symptoms had begun invading his body and he knew all too well nothing good was happening. He cursed to the computer, GIR, and any number of innanimate objects around his base that he could somehow blame for this unfortunate situation. All female and hermaphrodite invaders, and actively travelling Irkens for that matter, were given steady prescriptions of heat suppressants meant to be taken every 38 hours to prevent them from ever starting a cycle. And Zim had never missed a day!

But that didn't matter right now. What did matter was, according to his internal measurements, he had about 45 minutes before he entered a legitimate heat. There was no way he could get the required antidote shipped to him from Irk in that short of a time frame.

Another minute ticked by and Zim started to panic. The toys he owned weren't going to be enough to cool the impending cycle but it was worth a shot. What he _really_ needed was a heat-mate, but where was he going to find a suitable partner for such an intimate request? Well, he could think of one person who might be interested...

No. Absolutely not.

Zim paced around in the living room, hyperaware of his countdown. Eventually, he decided that the toys may provide enough relief, long enough to have the antidote arriving or his heat ending. Whichever came first.

"GIR! I will be engaging in a private mission in the lab, do not, under ANY circumstances, let anyone else into the base."

GIR let go of the taxidermy duck he was chewing, to salute Zim with red eyes.

"Yes sir!"

He immediately returned to gnaw on his tasty snack.

Dib walked up to Zim's house, keeping an eye on the garden gnomes. Those things were not only creepy looking but Dib was aware they had some sort of security function as well. Or at least, that's what he chose to imagine the laser shooting last week was about. He knocked on the door, weight shifting from foot to foot.

"Hel-looooo!"

Dib looked down at the tiny robot, big blue eyes staring right back up.

"Hey uh, GIR, right? Is Zim home? I haven't seen him since the day before yesterday, where is he?"

"Oh yeahhhh," GIR blinked and smiled. "Mastuh said he was doin' a private mission downstairs hehehehe."

GIR opened his head and pulled out a package of soggy lunch meat.

"I gotta ham! Wanna smell?"

Dib's eyes widened.

"Zim is on a private mission? Is it evil?!"

"I don't _knoooow._"

"Can you let me in?"

GIR smiled wildly and shook his head.

"Mastuh told me, no more, so's you have to buy your OWN friendy bracelets."

Dib stared blankly at the metal servant.

"I don't have any idea what that means, but I take it you won't let me in," he muttered while rifling through the pockets of his trenchcoat. He found a melted piece of candy and tossed it over his shoulder. He watched GIR's face go from calm to crazy as his little legs propelled him forward, accompanied by a horrifing, loud screech. Dib peeked over at the strange image of the machine peeling the chocolate candy and proceeding to eat the wrapper while smearing the treat on his belly.

He slammed the door behind him and locked it for good measure.

"Zim's robot said something about downstairs, I bet that's where he is right now, scheming his evil plans and uh, stuff. Evil stuff." Dib said to himself, out loud.

"_It's about time you showed up_."

Dib whipped his head around, trying to follow the mechanical voice.

"_Master has been calling your name for the past several hours_" the computer clarified. "_I hope you can help with the racket, I can't stand much more of this._"

"I-wait huh?"

"_I'll bring you down._"

The floor under Dib's feet began to vibrate and suddenly he was plummeting down, incredibly fast, to the lower regions of Zim's base. When he finally reached his destination, he placed a hand against the wall, regaining his sense of balance as his head spun. He'd never gotten crossfaded before but he imagined it felt something like this.

Without warning, a sweet smell hit his nose, very faint and undescribable. The closest thing he could think of was it reminded him of the time when he was 7 and got a nosebleed at an ihop. Syrupy and metallic.

He followed the smell as best he could and gazed with awe at the strange technology surrounding him. His focus broke when a much more enticing visual was in front of him.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Zim was lying on an observation table, gloved hand in his mouth, biting hard. His other hand was between his legs and--

Oh boy.

  
Dib looked away, hands running through his hair. He could probably leave right now, Zim would never know he was here. He could forget this whole thing ever happened, move on and make a mental note to never sneak into his underground base ever again.

As he weighed his options, Zim suddenly turned around, eyes still closed. Dib, recovering from the near heart attack he just had, began to slowly back away. With Zim's legs spread the way they were, directly in front of him, he couldn't help but take a little peak. For science! So what if said scientist was already a little hard?

The alien was still wearing his standard uniform, boots and all. Dib noticed what he originally thought were leggings happened to actually be black thigh-highs. Did Zim normally go around not wearing pants, or was this a special thing? Dib thought about how often he wore the outfit to skool, how easy it would be to pin down the invader and lift up his dress and-- ok this wasn't for science anymore, was it?

Dib uncomfortably shifted his weight, the tightness in his pants unbearable.

Zim had what appeared to be some kind of silver vibrator, running at a high speed, over a puffy slit. Now that Dib could see his face he looked, almost distressed. He was incredibly flushed, eyes screwed up in concentration. He slammed the hand he was biting earlier onto the table and moaned.

"Ah-Dib!"

  
The human froze. Dib did not know his heart could even beat that fast. The sound went straight to his raging erection. His stomach dropped, how the hell was he gonna get out of here?

Zim moaned again, peeling open one of his eyes. Dib made the most uncomfortable eye contact he ever felt in his life. Zim's eyes widened completely and he sat up.

"Ha-how long have you been, down here?"

Dib kicked at the ground, face beet red, and blurted out his panicked response.

"I- uh-hah. Look I just thought, and Gir said uh, um. Well you've been gone and, evil mission!?"

Zim blinked, unphased.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll just, go home--"

"WAAAAAAIIIT!"

Dib stopped.

"Don't leave Zim!" The alien cried desperately.  
"Zim needs the Dib! Zim will not go through his heat alone!"

"_Heat_?" Dib nervously laughed. "You, are in heat!? I thought- aren't you a male?"

"A hermaphrodite." Zim corrected.

"Oh my- I think I am going insane, my dad was right, maybe I didn't get enough sleep and now I'm hallucinating a weird wet dream wh--"

Zim frowned at his words and cut him off.

"Now is no time for your pitiful human antics, _Dib_, I require your services, and I require them NOW!"

He rocked his body side to side and bit his tongue. He was restraining himself quite a bit.

"It's so painful. I _need_ it."

He grabbed at Dib's hand, pulling him closer. The human stepped forward with limp arms, mouth open.

  
"You, want me to touch you?"

"Touch me? I want you to breed me."

Dib choked.

"Okay, ok-ok-ok, I'll do this for you--"

Zim pulled him by his collar and crashed their faces together. Dib, surprised but pleased, ran his hands over his body and under his tunic, leaning over the table. And holy shit, his skin was so soft and so hot, he assumed he wouldn't normally be this warm outside of his heat. Zim plunged his tongue into Dib's mouth, who couldn't tell if he liked the sensation or was weirded out.

Zim ground his hips into Dib's, eliciting a moan from the human. Dib felt his cock throb and thrust back against his partner. His skin felt like it was on fire and he shucked his coat off. He was over the moon just to get some dry humping action but Zim picked up the pace. His slit was soaking and he needed to be mated ASAP.

He pushed a confused Dib on his back and straddled his legs. His three fingered hands found the button of his pants, and with more force then probably necessary, he threw them across the room. He pulled down Dib's boxers and began stroking his aching arousal.

" Zim, your glove..." he moaned. "Feels so, smooth..."

With his other hand, Zim brought Dib's fingers toward his slit. Zim rocked his hips and whimpered.

"Fuck! You're soaking wet."

His blunt fingers rubbed at the dripping slit before sliding one inside. Zim cried out and slammed his body down onto Dib's finger. Dib bit his lip and curled, noticing a strange obtrusion pushing back against him.

"Zim, what, exactly am I touching?"

The alien panted and tightly grabbed at Dib's shirt.

"My, ah, male organ" he breathed.

  
Dib pulled his fingers out and watched as a shiny pink tentacle slid out of his body. It wiggled and wrapped around Dib's hand, squeezing.

"Oh my God."

The organ was wet and the tip dribbled a pink fluid. Dib wrapped his fingers around and started stroking.

Zim bucked his hips into his hand. That felt good, fuck it felt great, but he needed to be filled. Now that his male part was freed he was hyperaware of how empty he felt.

"Dib!"

It felt so good to hear Zim call his name like that, just the sound was enough to provide him with masturbatory material for life. He stroked faster.

Zim pulled away from the eager hands and positioned his dripping slit over the head of Dib's cock.

"Wait, are you sure about this Zim?"

The look of absolute disbelief thrown at his face meant, yeah, he was pretty sure.

"I can't believe I'm losing my virginity to an alien. Hey, now that I said that out loud, it almost sounds cool!"

Zim sank slowly down, engulfing his head in the velvety opening of his body. His tentacle wrapped around Dib's cock and squeezed with a wet sound.

Dib cried and plunged the rest of his length in. The warm heat pulsed around him, pulling him in deeper until he hit the ceiling of his channel. He felt absolutely amazing, his body tightened around his cock and felt light, feathery strokes at the base of his shaft. Zim lifted his hips and sank back down, his hands tightly clutching Dib's waist. He gave a small thrust in return and arched his back. His pale hands found the pink alien member and stroked as best he could while the flexible apendage curled and uncurled in his fist. Zim whined and started to move faster.

Suddenly, a series of strange clicking and chirping noises were echoing across the lab. Dib looked up to see each noise slip out of his partner's mouth, presumably speaking in his native tongue. He inhaled sharply and thrust harder, moaning at every unitelligible word falling from his lips. A warm, familiar feeling pooled in Dib's pelvis.

"Z-zim slow down, I," he slurred. "I'm gonna, oh God, can I-"

He never got an answer as the alien kept the fast pace, rocking his ass like Dib was the most wonderful song he ever heard and was dancing for his life. He moaned and thrusted his body one final time before spilling inside Zim, leaving his wet heat, sticky and dripping.

Zim stopped moving.

"Dib-thing? What is the meaning of this?" He growled. "Zim has not been adequately satisfied!"

Dib blinked, watching the blurry figure scowl above his face.

"Sorry," he wheezed. "You were just, felt so good and I'm not used to-"

"Yes, yes, Zim is quite the superb mate, I understand. HOWEVER, _idiot earth beast_, your subpar stamina has done little to cool my heat!"

He paused to rub at his entrance.

Dib gulped and watched Zim pet at his genitals. He dipped a gloved finger into his hole, then two, and gently fucked himself.

"Just, give me a minute, I'll be hard again soon."

His pale hands settled themselves above his gloves, a gesture far too intimate, and pushed them aside. He scooted forward on the table and traced his finger around the wet opening. Looking closer, what earlier had been a very smooth surface was anything but. Dozens of small, translucent, green tentacles lined his entrance, swaying back and both, curling inward when Dib's finger made contact. Flashbacks to aquarium touch-tanks flooded his mind, the weird space vagina he had his hands all over greatly reminded him of a sea anemone. He hadn't noticed the small ones when he was inside Zim, although really, the whole thing was over very fast.

"Zim, what are these, little guys?" He rolled one between his fingers.  
"Why didn't I see them when I was, uh, fingering you earlier?"

Zim whined and bucked his hips. His body's natural lubricant dripped onto the table.

"My, what? Are you asking about-"

He whimpered, three fingered hand raised to meet his blunt, zipper teeth. Dib yanked his hand back down. Zim scowled in response.

"Don't do that, I want to hear you."

The alien scoffed and crossed his arms.  
"Zim makes no noises for stupid, _inferior humans_"

Dib narrowed his eyes, pulling his hand away. Panic immediately settled in Zim's body.

"If I'm just an inferior human, what do you even need me for, you can ride out your heat on your own--"

"No! No, no, no, no, come back! Continue your erotic touching of Zim's vent!" He yelped. He dug his claws into Dib's flesh and shoved his hand back to its place. This time, his male organ wrapped around his wrist, effectively restraining him, while his small tentacles tugged weakly at his fingers, trying drag them into his vent.

Dib frowned. "If you want me to help you, don't insult me."

"UghhhhhhhAHHHH FINE!" Zim groaned obsecenly loud.  
"Zim will cease the insulting of the humans for the duration of our mating..."

"Thank you. Now, I didn't really get an answer earlier, what are these things?" He pinched one of the tentacles lightly.

"My feelers," he breathed.  
"Don't human females have similar fleshy protrusions?"

"Uh, not like this, I'm pretty sure their parts are more. Stationary."  
He brushed his fingers over the tips, they were soft and the color made him think of blades of grass.  
"And I think there's only two of them" he added after a second to think.

Dib's gaze drifted downwards, the feelers curled around his two fingers as he sank them inside.

"Mmm, my feelers emerge alongside my penetrative organ, they signal that my vent is fully open and-"  
He blushed a little, closing his eyes.  
"-ready to be bred."

Dib explored the interior of Zim's body, pressing the pads of his fingers to the throbbing muscular walls. The tips of his ears turned red when he felt a globby pocket of his own cum.

"Sorry..." He murmured, more to himself than anything. "Do you have, like a feel good area inside? Like a g-spot?"

Zim nodded, moans dripping past his lips like honey. His bright pink eyes blinked open and met Dib's.

"A little, higher" he breathed.

Dib obeyed, venturing in deeper. He pressed against a rough patch on his front wall, curling his fingers.

"Ye-yes, right, right there, keep doing that" Zim moaned. He released his member off Dib's wrist and took it in his own hand, stroking to match his partner's pace. Dib's eyes lit like candles and he watched eagerly. He prayed his memory would file away every little detail, the way the light bounced off his partners skin, the subtle movements of his antenna, the fuschia blush painting his face and shoulders. It was undeniably alien, and overwhelmingly erotic. He hopped off the metal table, fingers sliding out of Zim's vent, and rubbed at his sore knees.

Dib pulled his shirt, his last remaining article of clothing, up over his head and tossed it on the floor.

"Are you erect again?" Zim asked, as if he were looking for an item in a shopping center.

Dib redundantly looked down between his legs. He had been hard for some time, his cock was sticky and clung to his belly, dribbling strings of precum.

"Yes."

Zim widened his eyes and gestured towards his groin.

The message was received. Dib stood up and pushed the invader onto his back, pinning his small wrists to the cold table. Zim squirmed and grimaced.

"Can you turn me over? My Pak is digging into me."

"Oh! Sorry, here let me-" he flipped Zim onto his belly. "Better?"

"Very. Now make with the mating!"

He wiggled his tiny hips and pressed his backside against Dib. He groaned and leaned into it.

The head of his cock was carressed by the tiny feelers. He slid over his vent, not penetrating.

"Dib!" Zim whined. "Stop teasing! Enter Zim at-"

He caught the alien off guard as he sunk the entirety of his length, in one quick motion, into the welcoming heat.

"-once..."

"Fuck Zim, you feel so good..." He whispered in a rough voice. He pulled out halfway and slammed his hips back in, grinding into Zim's sweet spot.

He spoke in irken again, crying out foreign clicks and squeaking his gloves against the table. His little legs were dangling off the edge, muscles tensing and releasing at random.

Dib stared at the invader below him. He was finally in control, after all these years _he _had the upperhand.

"I want to see your face."

Zim gave a vague sound of affirmation and felt hands pick him up by his waist. Zim was no heavier than a large dog and barely over four feet tall. Dib turned him, supporting his rear with his hands and sank back inside his heat.

It was like they couldn't get close enough. Zim writhed and clung to Dib's back, legs tightly binding his waist, fleshy teeth sinking into his shoulder. Dib constricted his small body in return with his arms. They were like polarized magnets, nothing could tear them away from each other. They created their own field of energy, unbreakable, impenetrable. Secure.

Until this moment, Dib never understood why people would go to such great lengths for sex. Now, however, the thought of something taking Zim away from him in this moment made him fucking bloodthirsty.

"You're mine Zim. All mine... " he growled, slamming into his tight body. Hard.  
"You belong to me..."

The small alien trembled and Dib felt a pulse around his cock. His tentacle wriggled around, trapped between the two bellies, leaking.

"You like that space boy? You like when I fuck you?" His voice sounded heavy. Like every word was oozing the most delicious poison.

Zim bite harder into Dib's flesh, pinching the skin more than enough to break blood vessels.

"You're such a slut, you've been waiting for me to fuck you for so long, haven't you? Your computer told me you were moaning my name all day," he whispered into his antenna.

Zim twitched and clawed at his back.

"I've wanted to fuck you for a long time..." He took a labored breath, slowing down.  
"Wanted to capture you, have my way with you-" he continued.  
"Make you mine."

Zim released his teeth and whimpered loudly.

"Dib, I am... close." He clung harder to his partner's body. Dib swallowed.

"You're so good Zim... so good. My little space boy, no one else..." He panted, grinding his hips in faster. His mind raced, the idea of making Zim come was positively thrilling. He gripped harshly at the green hips and increased the pace.

Zim cried. His body was shaking, his core felt warm and electrified. His Pak was flashing and Dib continued to rut against him as fast as possible. His body tensed and in a sudden moment he released, small spurts of cum leaking out of his vent and on his belly. Dib came soon after, the convulsing muscles finishing him off. He set Zim gently on the ground and practically fell on his way to sit down. He blushed when Zim rolled onto his belly, his semen trickling onto the purple floor.

Dib ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed at his face. He was sweaty and his hair felt kinda greasy. Pink goo stuck to his stomach and covered his lower half in a light sheen.

Zim didn't really seem much like the post-coitus cuddling type, but Dib scooted closer anyway. His legs looked just as pink and sticky.

He observed Zim's feelers curl in and his tentacle retract inside. After a couple seconds, his entrance closed up and all that remained was a small slit, less puffy than earlier when he first walked in, but still swollen.

Dib placed a hand just below Zim's inner knee, his antenna twitched and he seemed to press into the touch. He gave his best attempt at a soothing pat, somewhere between an atta boy and a squeeze. Zim rolled over and sat up.

"My heat should be cooled for the next several hours. My mind is clear now, but it will flare up again soon," he explained with a blank expression. He twiddled his thumbs, waiting for a response.

"Do you- are you asking me if I'll sleep with you again?" Dib questioned. He placed his hand on the invader's thigh.

"Irkens do not sleep"

"No I mean- nevermind. Do you want me to uh," he stumbled over the words.  
"mate with you again?"

Zim gave a short nod.  
"It is in my best interest I have a heat-mate around for the duration of my cycle. It should be no longer than a few more earth days"

"A heat-mate?" Dib frowned. "What does that entail, exactly? Are we, dating?"

Zim blinked and then let out a loud laugh.

"Ahahaha! Stupid _human_, Zim is no love-pig of the Dib!" He snickered. "Consider this a temporary position. You are no more important to me than a standard issue breeding drone."

Dib clenched his jaw and pretended that didn't hurt. He ran his hands through his hair again.

"Right."

"You are free to leave now, I will approach you when needed" He stood up and brushed off his clothes, cringing at the fluids dripping down his legs.

"Computer! Dispense hygiene wipes!"

Dib tuned out the whirring sounds of Zim's base and his commanding voice. He laid on the cool, tile floor, feeling his pulse finally start to slow. Static filled his ears, his thoughts shifting, unable to focus. He had just lost his virginity in perhaps the most unceremonious way possible. He was laying, naked, in an alien's house, who he just had sex with. Weird, professional sex. That he was going to do again tomorrow.

In a trance, he took the wipe Zim waved in front of his face and cleaned up. He threw on his clothes, not noticing his shirt was backwards until Gaz pointed it out when he walked through the door. He ignored her, walked up the stairs and collapsed onto his bed.

Tomorrow was going to be weird.


	2. Truancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professional deals can get messy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick heads up to anyone who might need it, this chapter does mention m-preg but it is not going to be part of the overall story

Gaz didn't typically care much what her brother was doing. Left to fight Zim? Whatever. Chasing ghosts? Building a crazy new machine? Doing something stupid to spite their father? _Whatever_. He came home okay every time and that was the important part.

This time though, this time something was way off.

It wasn't unusual to see him mope his way through the door, normally that just meant he lost the fight and was licking his wounds. His wrinkled clothes, curiously undamaged, and backwards shirt were suspect but, then again, it wasn't the weirdest thing Gaz had seen him come home with. She shuddered, remembering last week with the living pool noodles.

No, what was really wrong was his posture. Dib had two main ways of walking, '_I'm better than you and right about everything and one day you'll be sorry_', and '_don't look at me, don't come near me, I'm trying to imagine a world where I don't exist_'.

This awkward, uneasy swagger he ran up the stairs with was neither.

Gaz wasn't dumb and it didn't take long for her to put two and two together. Letting out a deep breath, she dropped her controller on the coffee table.

She stomped up the stairs. Her knock on the door was immediately greeted by the guiltiest looking smile she had ever seen in her life.

"Dib, what the fuck did you and Zim do?"

"Ha-how did you know I was with Zim?" He sputtered. God, he really needed to work on his poker face.

She raised an eyebrow. "You told me earlier, you were going to his house because he hasn't been at skool."

She looked him up and down. Dib nervously shoved his hands in his pockets, avoiding her eyes like he took the last piece of pizza, and wasn't prepared to face the consequences.

"You know I don't care what you losers do most of the time," she continued. "But you don't even have a scratch on you" He rubbed his wrist at that remark, face turning red.

"So, once again, what the _fuck_ did you and Zim do?"

Gaz could practically see his little heart crumble into a thousand bite sized pieces and blow away. She was putting a man on death row as far as embarrassment was concerned, and she felt no pity.

"Do you really want to know?" He spoke in a quiet voice, a pleading voice that said _'please don't make me tell you, I know you know, don't make me say it outloud.'_

She nodded.

He sighed, hands running through his hair.

"Ok fine, yeah, you caught me. Zim... we had sex. But please, whatever you do, don't tell dad. He already thinks we're dating, he can't know about this too."

Gaz raised both eyebrows. "Oh. You mean you aren't dating already?"

"What!? No! No, that's- No, we aren't dating" he huffed and crossed his arms.

"But... you had sex with him?"

"You know what Gaz, I don't want to talk about this anymore, why do you even care?" He slapped his hands to his sides and turned around.

"I'm not gonna tell dad, but Dib, please tell me you used protection."

"Oh come on Gaz, he's an alien! It's not like I'm gonna get him preg-" he stopped. She watched the blood drain from his face and his eyes widen.

"Dib," she started, fist clenched. "If you get Zim pregnant I swear to _God_-"

"No I don't think. I mean it wouldn't be possible but, what if-"

He threw on his trenchcoat and ran out of his bedroom, slamming the front door. Idiot. Gaz slinked back downstairs and unpaused her game.

  
Dib was frantically running down the block, his coat trailing behind him like a sad, deflated balloon. He tripped over his boots as they met the ground in awkward angles and the sensible part of him wanted to slow down so he wouldn't sprain an ankle. He sprinted up to Zim's house, hoping to knock some of the adrenaline out of his hands onto the door. With no rhythm, he pounded at the sheet of plastic and stuffed his sore knuckles under his arms. Zim opened the door, confused.

"Eh? Why are you back so soon? Zim didn't call for you."

Dib pushed through and slammed the door behind him with his back.

"Zim, I need you to tell me something, right now. Can I get you pregnant?" He clung to the alien's shoulders.

Zim made a face and flicked his hands away.

"Irkens do not do that nasty, primative, mammalian process. New smeets are cloned. The Irken race no longer has the capacity to reproduce in that stinky, organic fashion."

He squinted. "And even if we were to try, I do not believe our methods of conception are similar enough to allow such an endeavor. To my knowledge humans are hatched," he shivered.  
"Live."

Dib exhaled and relaxed.

"Ok, so you're basically infertile?"

"All Irkens are" he responded automatically. "Was that it?"

Dib racked his brain for any other pre-sex steps he skipped over earlier. What else did people need to know about their partners beforehand? 

"You don't have any, weird alien STD's, right?" He asked tentatively.

"Eh?"

"Sexually transmitted diseases."

Zim's face scrunched up.

"Zim has no diseases you disgusting earth-pig! Zim is a model Irken soldier! Far superior to your fleshy, germ ridden vessel!" He shouted in disgust.

"Hey! You had your hands all over this "germ ridden vessel" not that long ago!" Dib shouted back. "And you liked it!"

"LIES! LIES! LIES!"

He angrily shoved Dib out the door, and kicked him a couple of times as a bonus. He slammed the door and Dib scrambled as the garden gnomes locked in on their target.

"Ahhh! Not again!" He squealed, scuffing his boots yet again on the rough concrete. He flailed his way back home and Gaz greeted him with a smirk as he returned for the second time that day, ignoring some quip he half heard about alien child support. He laid down on his bed and fell back into the headspace he had been swirling around in before Gaz plucked him out with a splash of reality.

He remembered the moment as just a big blur, a scene he was viewing from an outside perspective. He tried to grasp onto the details but they trickled away like water through his fingers the harder he thought. The bright colors, green and pink, the way they bounced around the reflective surfaces of the lab. _Zim's smell..._

He brought his fingers up to his nose, savoring the faded scent clinging to his skin. He regretted not getting a chance to taste, maybe next time...

Right. Next time. As in tomorrow. His heartbeat picked up and blood sloshed around in his ears.

He was excited. And terrified. Mostly confused, a little hurt. Having sex with your archenemy, the self proclaimed soon-to-be conquerer of the Earth, was weird. Feeling rejected that your archenemy, the self proclaimed soon-to-be conquerer of the Earth didn't want to date you? That wasn't just weird, that was insane.

Maybe he was just insulted that he got rejected at all. It wasn't about _Zim_, he was just going through the motions. Nobody likes to be turned down, even if it is from your evil, alien classmate.

And it wasn't like he wanted to date Zim because he thought he would be a good partner. He didn't want to take him to dinner or cuddle, or, whatever people in committed relationships did. It was just an impulsive thought. He just assumed his first time would be a little more special, that's all. That it would occur after he really built a connection with someone. Someone who cared about him a lot. His brain just misguidedly connected the two.

Besides, he didn't have time to date anyway. That would just cut into his important research...

Dib continued to compartmentalize and disect his emotions into digestable portions before falling asleep, hours later, to the sound of his own thoughts.

He woke up the next morning on top of his blankets, in his jeans. He felt grimy and realized he never showered yesterday when he got home like he planned. He peeled his clothes off, damp with sweat from an uncomfortable dream he couldn't remember, and hopped in the shower.

The hot water stung his back, bluntly reminding him of the deep scratches on his skin and bite on his shoulder. He supposed he was lucky Zim didn't leave any marks on any visible areas, although knowing his classmates, they probably wouldn't care anyway. If the lunatic got laid, that wasn't any of their concern.

One fresh outfit later and Dib was as ready for skool as he was going to get. He felt like a zombie all morning, not truly aware of his own presence until lunch.

  
He was just about to bite into a lovely ham and swiss sandwich when a ball of paper hit his head. The perpetrator met his eyes, purple to brown, as he unfolded the paper. The hand writing was neat and bold, if it wasn't clearly written in pencil it may have been mistaken for typed print.

The note was short, sweet and to the point--  
"My base. 1:30pm"  
Gaz read silently over his shoulder.

"Skipping skool?"

"Thinking about it" Dib responded. He crumpled the paper and shoved it in his pocket. He'd only be missing calculus, he was doing fine in that class.

"Hm. Dad wouldn't like that" Gaz said as she sipped her milk.

Dib snorted. "As if I give a shit about what dad likes."

The oh so great _Professor Membrane,_ was really starting to get on his case about skool. It was his senior year and he was obsessed with Dib being the top of his class. He was smart enough to skate by with little effort and it frustrated his father to no end that he never applied himself the way he wanted. It wasn't easy explaining how little grades matter when the fate of the world is at stake, and even harder when the person you're trying to convince thinks you're nuts.

Sandwich pieces squished through his fingers. Dib wasn't hungry anymore.

"I know you don't care, but dad's gonna be pissed if he gets another call that you're ditching," She said, giving him a sympathetic look.

"As if he's ever home" Dib muttered, shoving his unfinished lunch back into his bag. He left the cafeteria, noting the invader had already left minutes earlier.

He snuck out the side entrance of the skool, pulling out his phone to check the time. Zim's house was a twenty minute walk away and carved into Dib's muscle memory.

His palms were sweaty with anticipation. Sure, he didn't know what to expect the first time, and granted, it'll probably make more sense now anatomy wise but, how was this going to work? 'Hello Zim, are you ready for our scheduled sex appointment?' just didn't roll off the tongue.

He approached the front door, raised hand about to knock when a sharp, metal leg slammed it open and dragged him inside. He kicked and squirmed against the unyeilding limb before it released. The sudden change in balance resulted in a rear-first fall to the floor, hands braced for impact.

"Finally, I've been waiting for hours..." a low voice murmured.

Zim was sitting on the couch, legs crossed, hands laced together over his knee. His eyes shone in the dim lighting of the living room and while he was clearly trying very hard to keep a neutral face, his antenna perked up at the sight of the human.

Dib shuffled towards him, sitting far away on the couch at first. He paused for a moment, then scooted closer. Should he wrap his arm around him? How did these things start? He bit his cheek and leaned forward, head in his hands.

"I don't know what I'm doing" he mumbled.

Zim flopped a leg into his lap, the other hanging loose off the side of the couch and hitched his tunic up. Dib peeked between his legs, pink fluid making his slit glisten. He swallowed and walked his fingers up the slender leg in his lap, paying close attention to every sharp inhale and deep breath. He rubbed a slow circle on the green skin, smiling to himself when Zim pressed into it and whined. His confidence grew and he sunk the first digit inside.

Knowing what to look for helped. He hooked his finger around the organ and coaxed it out, hungry eyes glued to the scene. The bright pink tentacle slid into his palm and Dib started to slowly stroke.

With his other hand, he palmed himself over his pants, unbuttoning to release some of the pressure. He kept his eyes on Zim's body, watching, in a lustful fog, his feelers emerge. The tiny tentacles unfurled like a blooming flower, framing his opening.

"Oh Zim..." He whispered.

Dib pushed his pants down to mid-thigh and pulled Zim into his lap. The feelers grazed the head of his cock and he bit back a groan. He took the pink tentacle back in his hand and pushed forward simultaneously.

Zim whined and rested his head on Dib's shoulder, breath hot on his neck. He felt his heart skip a beat and he ground his hips up, desperate to find Zim's sweet spot. Desperate to make him feel good.

"You're so tight, so soft" he moaned. He stroked harder.  
"So good Zim, you're so good."

The alien whimpered and just like before, it was over far too soon. Zim melted into his arms for barely a second. And then he was gone.

The cold, familiar dampness of the wipe hit his hand and in a flash Dib was walking home again.

Things continued like that for the rest of the week. Zim would approach Dib and then he would be whisked away to Zim's base, or on one notable occasion into the skool bathroom after Dib refused to skip. They had built an unspoken script. Dib would manually stimulate Zim, intercourse would ensue and then Zim would recoil and clean up. Dib would walk home. It was calculated. It was predictable. It worked.

When Monday rolled around though, Dib started to get confused. It had been almost a week and Zim gave no indication he was soon to stop initiating contact. And after Tuesday passed, the confusion turned to anxiety. He spoke up on Wednesday.

"Hey," he started, as he pulled his pants up. A breech of etiquette. Zim turned around, lips pursed. They didn't talk, not during this part.

"When do you think your heat is going to be over?"

Zim's eyes bounced back and forth, searching.

"It's just, you told me last week it was only for a couple days and well..." his voice trailed off under the unflinching glare. Zim narrowed his eyes, antenna pressed against his head.

"I will inform you when it's over."  
His voice was cold and impersonal. Dib stepped forward, brow furrowed.

"Woah, what's with the death glare? That's a reasonable question! Look, I can't keep missing skool for you, some of us have responsibilities, and my dad has been on my ass ever since he decided to pretend like he gives a shit about me, and I need to know how long this is gonna go on for."

Zim clenched his fists and marched up to Dib, barely an inch between their bodies.

"This will last until it ends" he spoke through gritted teeth.

"What, I'm just supposed to trust you on that one?" Dib scoffed. "Because we're such good friends and you're always looking out for me? I'm just going to have to _trust _you to tell me the truth? That you'll tell me when the Great Zim decides you're done screwing around with me and I get to pick up the pieces?"

Zim gave a non-committal shrug and his antenna twitched.

Dib was shaking.  
"And when is that gonna be!? I'm just supposed to put everything on hold for you indefinitely? Let you drag me away whenever you please? You told me yourself this was just a job to you, what do you have to gain leading me on like this!?"

He shut his eyes tight, and bit his tongue, immediately regretting his choice of words. When he opened them, for the briefest moment he caught a glimpse of something break under Zim's furious exterior. His face quickly morphed into a blank, unreadable expression. He spoke simply with no inflection, no dramatics.

  
"We're done."

  
He walked into the dark, adjacent room, leaving Dib alone. He snatched his trenchcoat off the couch and slammed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy zadrday! Quick thank you to everyone who's commented or left kudos, I'm smiling like an idiot just thinking about it ;w; 💙


	3. Group Projects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extreme emotional distress can excuse many things

Dib didn't consider his sister a very emotional person. She could be cruel and standoffish, even in the best of times, and he was reluctant to ever ask her for support. But damn it, he really needed someone on his side for once.

When she opened her door it felt like all the air was sucked out of his lungs.

"Dib? What do you want?" Gaz asked, irritation clear. Her eyes opened when his lip quivered and he wrapped his arms around her.

She hesitantly participated in the hug, patting his shoulder. "Uh, are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," he let go and rubbed his eyes. "I need to talk to someone. You don't have to say anything back I just..."

He gestured a flowing motion with his hands.

"I want to get it off my chest."

The purple haired teen sighed and begrudgingly let him in. Being sure to lock the door, despite the fact they were alone yet again today, she sat on her bed and waited. Dib crossed his legs on the floor and picked at the rug fibers.

"I messed up..." He muttered.

She sighed.

"This is about Zim isn't it?"

Dib nodded.

"What is going on between you two?" She asked, half interested in the story and half interested in getting him out of her room.

He laughed. "I don't even know where to begin with that."

"Try."

"Uh, it's kinda weird so just, don't judge me. Remember last week when Zim didn't show up to school?" He started.

"Yeah."

"Well, I went to his house, and his robot dog thing, well he wasn't wearing his dog disguise but, you know it, you've seen him, he was guarding the door. It said something about a secret mission so naturally I decided to formulate a plan to sneak in. And I had some candy in my pocket so I threw a chocolate to distract him, I think it was milk chocolate? Anyway-"

"Get to the point, Dib." Gaz groaned.

"Right, sorry. So I snuck into his house, there was all this crazy technology and stuff and while I was walking I saw Zim, um..." He paused.

"The details aren't important, the gist is he told me I had to sleep with him because he was going through some kind of alien heat and... I did."

Gaz suddenly looked very concerned which made Dib nervous.

"Dib, he didn't, _f__orce _you to have sex with him did he?" She questioned gently.

"NO!" He shouted. "No! It wasn't like that, I wanted it too, he didn't... No." He hid his face in his hands. Embarrassment prickled at his skin.

"Okay." She exhaled out her mouth. "Sorry. Go on."

He pulled at the fibers between his fingers and continued. "Yeah. So we slept together and then he told me that his heat is going to be another couple days and that he wants to keep sleeping with me until it's over."

The fresh sting of their last encounter burned hard. He remembered why he was so upset.

"And today had been eight days later so I thought, hey I should probably ask him when it's going to be over, so we can get back to our lives like normal again. That's not a weird question right!?"

Gaz shrugged. How was she supposed to know what normal human-alien relations were?

"And he got offended! He wouldn't tell me! And I mean, what did I do wrong!?" Dib said in an exacerbated voice.

"All I asked was, 'hey when is this going to be over?' and he just stared at me and told me he would-"

He attempted an impression at Zim's voice.

'_inform me when we're done_' and I questioned him and he just-"

Dib waved a hand.  
  
"Walked away. Said we were done and, he walked away. What happened!?"

Crossing her arms, Gaz stared down at her brother's miserable face.

"I'm sorry your boyfriend is being such an asshole to you Dib."

"He's _not_ my boyfriend-"

She cut him off. "I really don't think you did anything wrong here, surprising as that is for the both of us. He's the one who's not communicating."

She grimaced.

"To be honest, from what you've told me, I think he's hiding something from you."

Dib nodded, seemingly agreeing with her sentiment.

"Now," she said, pointing to her door.  
"Get out."

He yelped out a quick thanks and scurried back to his own room.

His chair squeaked as he sat in it and sighed, body trying to meld into the polyester cushions. What was Zim hiding from him? The alien wasn't a stranger to horrible mind games. Dib still occasionally had nightmares from the life simulator he was put through years ago. Maybe it was all fake... What if he was lying about his heat? He closed his eyes, remembering the desperation in Zim's face. No, that felt real.

But what if it wasn't? How could he know for sure?

His stomach felt tangled and gooey, like an overcooked noodle. If Zim wasn't lying about it then, what if he was now? It wasn't beyond the realm of plausibility for the vile bug to use his own biology against Dib to manipulate him. That too, had happened before.

He pushed the heels of his palms into his forehead. He hated Zim, more than anything in the world. He hated him for being a stupid alien who wanted to take over the earth. For being an immoral creature who only cared about himself and his evil dictators. For being an annoying little prick who wormed his way into his life and wouldn't leave his thoughts.

His bed was empty that night. He didn't even bother trying to sleep, he knew it wouldn't happen. He anagrammed his memories, cutting out the parts of him that were tainted and rearranged the untouched ones. His mind was a scrapbook and his resentment the only glue he had to keep it together.

Dib never liked going to skool in the first place but now? It was agony.

He hadn't felt this much utter repulsion at the very idea of Zim since he was 12. And somehow, by some awful will of the universe, it was even worse this time around. He glared at every part of Zim except his eyes, looking away if they met accidentally, wishing he could scrape the ugly shade of his lilac contacts out of his brain with a spoon.

The tension surrounding the two had been growing for the past three days and it was suffocating. Their classmates had learned quickly not to get caught in the crossfire.

Dib originally thought being in a group project with Zim was a good idea. It gave them an excuse to leave class, all they had to do was inform their teacher they would be working in the library before they snuck out together. And besides that, no one else wanted to partner up with Dib anyway, so there wasn't really any downside.

Now? Oh boy, was it a mistake.

"Hand me the Nepal card" Dib murmured.

The alien ignored him, deciding to, instead, color his name in with sparkly ink pens. They were way behind in their timeline and there was exactly 30 minutes left of worktime.

"Hand me the card, Zim!" He demanded, slamming his hands on the table. His classmates flinched and glanced at the scene, the room going quiet.

He bared his ugly pink teeth cheerfully. "Oh, Dib-stink! I didn't hear you" he lied.  
"What did you need?"

He was so close to wiping the smug smile off his dumb alien face. Exhaling loudly, Dib reached over Zim's arm to grab the tape. He furrowed his brow, noticing the ring of tape was missing only to watch his loathed partner twirl it around his finger.

"Give me that," Dib said, trying to snatch the ring. He slapped his hand on top of Zim's, who in return, slapped his own hand over Dib's. The two fought abysmally, doing nothing but wrinkling the sheet of paper below them, the slaps turning Dib's skin pink. Unsurprisingly, the tape loop tumbled off the table and they paused, watching it roll away to the back of the room.

"What did you do that for!" Dib cried out in irritation.

"Zim is not responsible for the movement of adhesive wheels!"

"Gah! You haven't done any work and we have to present this in ten minutes!" He flopped his arms onto the table, head down. His fingernails made a horrible scraping sound as he tore holes into their half-finished poster. Opening his previously scrunched eyes, Dib trembled with fury at the shredded paper under his face.

"Well now we have nothing at all. Great work earth-monkey, perhaps next time you can explain to Zim the perferred process of paper deletion" he said sarcastically, admiring the destruction of their project.

"I assumed that is what these interlocking blades were given for, but your weak worm-baby claws seemed to suffice."

"Yeah? Well, maybe next time you could actually _help _me!" He grumbled, voice muffled from stuffing his face in his arms. He shoved the torn remains of their assignment onto the ground.  
"I don't know what I expected from a dumb alien anyway."

Zim scoffed. "I am a perfectly normal human larva and even if I were _theoretically_ another lifeform, Zim is not dumb!"

"Oh yeah? Then why didn't you ever work on our timeline, space boy?"

"Why didn't you!?"

"_I did!_" Dib exclaimed, pulling his hair in frustration. Anger was simmering on a high heat under his skin. He grabbed Zim by his weird collar and tossed him to the ground, knocking over his chair with a clatter. It didn't take long for the teacher to intervene.

Dib spat threats of autopsies as the security guards pulled him out of the classroom by his arms. The office gave him a three day suspension and demanded he go home before they threaten to expell him for repeated disorderly behavior. He stormed down the cement steps of the front doors and kicked over a trash can.

"It was his fault!" He shouted to no one in particular. "Stupid..."

He crunched a dried weed beneath his foot and imagined it was Zim, curled up and crying in agony. He ground his toe, breaking the dead plant into tiny bits.

"Alien scum!" He screamed.

"Looking for me, _Dib_?"

Dib turned around hard, the back of his coat whipping his legs.

"Why are you here?" He hissed. His nails dug harsh crescents into the meat of his palm.

"Eh? Did you not understand the informants? Zim has been sentenced to an equal exile length."

"No I-" Dib paused and groaned. "Why are you _here!?_ Leave me alone Zim! I hate you and never want to see you again!" He turned around and kept walking.

"Zim does not believe that is what you want," the alien smirked.

"Oh yeah?" He laughed manically. "And why is that?"

"Because you're about to walk into my base."

Dib stopped and looked around. His arms hung limp in defeat.

"Shit!"

He had gotten so used to automatically heading to Zim's house after leaving school. Thinking about Zim's house at all made his blood boil.

His arm swung before he had time to think about it.

Zim expertly dodged it, ducking just in time for it to only graze the top of his wig.

"You seem to be out of practice, _Dib_" he sneered. Dib threw another failed punch and Zim snorted.

"And I thought I was going easy on you before, a smeet could do better than you!" He cackled. Dib groaned and pinned him to the ground.

"Better, but Zim is still winning"

"SHUT UP!" He roared, face red. Zim kept laughing, not even bothering to resist.

"Why don't you ever shut up!? I hate the sound of your fucking voice!"

"I thought you _liked_ hearing my voice..." Zim taunted. His eyes were cold. Dib's hands shook.

  
If he wasn't above throwing low blows, than neither was Dib.

  
"One day, I'm going to chain you to a table and cut you up, and then everybody will know the truth about you. And then you'll cry when I stick my hands inside you..." he leaned down to the top of Zim's head, a practiced gesture reserved for whispering praise in their private moments.

  
"...But you already know what that feels like don't you?"

  
Dib smirked. He knew that would send Zim over the edge. And the sudden burst of sharp pain coursing through his face only confirmed it.

His body lurched, the ground below him felt unstable and his limbs turned to jelly. Zim was seething, he wiped his bloody knuckles on his dress and extended his spider legs.

The taste of blood flooded Dib's mouth and he laughed, lunging at the alien. His metal legs tangled and slashed around his lanky waist while Dib dug his blunt nails into Zim's cheek. They rolled around, gradually staining their clothes green and brown, slapping faces and poking eyes. A small, black boot knocked the wind out of him and slammed his back onto the ground, pained breathes coming in at uneven intervals. Zim leered over him, smiling.

"That all you got pitiful _hu_\--"

Wham.

Dib sucked on his knuckles and grinned. The alien stumbled backwards, two metal legs catching him before he fell. They were even.

Exhausted, Dib plopped on the grass and laid down. His ears were ringing. Zim mirrored his actions, laying on his side, and faced the human. He couldn't help but snicker a little at the sight of Zim willingly coming in contact with the dirt and grime. Small victories. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

"You surrender,_ space boy?_"

"Hardly," Zim wheezed. "I merely... paused momentarily..." He took another breath.

"With your weak human stamina... it wouldn't be, a fair fight."

  
Dib rolled his eyes and took off his glasses. The left lense was busted. Looked like he was pulling out the old pair again. He shifted and turned onto his side, facing Zim.

They were close, just a few inches away from each other. Zim wrinkled his face.

"You smell like metal."

Dib licked his lips.  
"I probably taste like it too."

"That's my fault, isn't it?" Zim asked, moving in closer. He placed a gloved thumb on his bottom lip, smearing the blood. Dib froze.

"Yeah, it is." he responded, heart beating loud enough to jump out of his chest. Zim's lips were just within reach. His breath was hot and light.

"Good."

The alien stood up and readjusted his wig. Dib staggered his way up to his feet, his brain pounding out of his skull.

"God, I don't-I don't even remember... why?" Dib thought out loud, rubbing his nose gingerly. He grabbed his phone to assess the damages. Even in the tiny black screen, he could tell his face was fucked up. The world started to look splotchy and dark.

"Zim, I'm a hhaaa..."

When Dib woke up, he was on his back. He blinked a couple times and shifted, feeling the surface below him yeild to his body. Zim was leaning over him, disguise off. Suddenly, it clicked. He was on Zim's couch.

"Stupid IDIOTIC worm-baby!" Zim yelled at him. He slapped him across the face.

"Ow!" Dib whined. "What was that for?"

"You filthy, _wretched_, eghHHHH" Zim closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"You failed to consume the required amount of sugar to keep your foul, human blood running properly," he said, dabbing at his forehead with a wet towelette.

"So you proceeded to become UNCONSCIOUS and leave Zim to lug your stinky, drippy body inside." Zim finished, putting the item inside his pak.

  
Dib groaned and banged his head against the couch cushion.

"How long was I out for?"

"37 seconds."

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. It felt, soft? And clean. He checked his reflection in his phone again, it was almost completely healed up.

"Zim, did you tend to my injuries?" He asked in disbelief.

His antenna twitched.

"Why... why would you do that for me?"

After a long silence, he finally spoke.

"Zim is not used to the Dib becoming unconscious after a battle, and Irken medicine is far more advanced than the weak Earth supplements your kind peddles. The healing liquid in the napkin was low-grade but it will do."

Dib stared up at the ceiling with glazed eyes. Part of him felt thanking Zim was the polite thing to do. The other part still wanted to kick his ass.

"You should apologize to me." He said instead.

Zim bristled at the demand.

"Why on Irk would I do that?" His antennae lowered.

"Because," Dib said as he sat up.  
"I know you're hiding something from me and-" He frowned. "I think it has to do with your heat."

Zim balled his hands into fists, tugging on the hem of his tunic. His left antenna flicked.  
  
"I'm right, aren't I?"

Zim pouted and looked up at the ceiling.

"I need you to talk to me, because if you don't start explaining soon, I'm just going to leave." Dib said with a weary expression.

"Then leave." Zim's voice was shaky and quiet.

"What?"

"THEN LEAVE! GO!" Zim cried. "ZIM DOES NOT WANT YOU HERE!"

"You don't make any fucking sense, you know that!?" Dib shouted back. "I'm- I'm trying _so _hard to keep things civil and you just, you just ignore it!" He pulled at his hair, laughing wildly.

"Why won't you tell me what's going on!?"

"I CAN'T!" Zim wailed. He was tugging harshly on his antenna.

"WHY?!"

"BECAUSE ZIM IS NOT DEFECTIVE!"

"W-what?" Dib sputtered.

"ZIM IS NOT DEFECTIVE!" He curled up on the floor and repeated the same four words over and over, his pak flashing a light pink halo around his body. Dib's eyes widened, he was way in over his head.

His first impulse was just to book it, as fast as he could, and flee the scene. His moral compass held him off, and he paced, trying to think of something he could do to help. What did other people do for him when he was having an anxiety attack? Get him a glass of water? He eyed the hydrophobic alien on the ground. Somehow, he figured, that probably wouldn't help matters.

He kneeled down, palms open and visible.

"Zim, I'm here... I'm here..." he spoke softly. The invader covered his face with his hands and went silent.  
"Do you want to be alone?"

Zim frantically shook his head.

"Is it okay if I touch you?"  
He nodded in response.

Dib delicately placed his hands on Zim's shoulders. They were tense but relaxed a little at his touch. Dib moved his hand down, right above his pak, and rubbed soothing circles. His pak lights stopped blinking. The room was so quiet.

They stayed like that for a minute before Zim spoke again.

"Don't tell anyone about this," his voice was hoarse.

"I won't if you won't."

Zim sighed and climbed onto the couch. He patted the space next to him and Dib joined.

"Do you still want me to tell you the truth?" Zim asked, reluctantly.

Dib nodded.

Zim pouted and looked away.

"My heat ended 2 days after you found me."

His face was dusted with a light pink. He chewed on his lip.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dib pressed.

"Zim wasn't sure if it was actually _over_, at first," he muttered. "I had the computer run several tests, they all came back conclusive that it had completely ended." His antenna drooped.

"But... I still had the urge to mate with you. And I didn't want to stop..."

Dib let out the breath he was holding and pushed his hair back.

"Okay," he exhaled. A million thoughts raced through his mind. He tried to grab one as fast as he could.

"Do you, still, want to mate with me?" He blurted out.

Zim blinked, caught off guard.  
"Do you?"

Dib's eyes widened and he bit the inside of his cheek. He swallowed, his throat felt dry.  
"Yes."

Picking up the humans hand, Zim stared at his healed knuckles apologetically.

"It is frowned upon for an Irken to mate with a lesser species. It is illegal for Invaders..."  
He squeezed his claws around his fingers, Dib winced.  
"If they find out, if the control brains-"

He looked pale and trembled a little.

"I could be re-encoded, they could take away my mission..."

"For mating with me?"

Zim shook his head. "The action doesn't-- the problem is I want it. That is an illegal desire."

Dib contemplated for a moment.

"So, you're kinda damned if you do and damned if you don't?" Zim's blank face was unencouraging. He sighed.

"I mean, you're breaking the law whether or not you mate with me, right?" He rephrased. "It's a lose-lose situation."

"Yes, I suppose that is correct."

"And you still _want_ to, well..." Dib trailed off.

Zim mumbled, his response barely audible. "Yes, that is also correct..."

  
Dib felt a burst of heat in his lower belly. His desire coiled around his conscience, digging thorns in deep and twisting. He knew it was wrong, that this wasn't the time, not while Zim was vulnerable like this. But still, the adrenaline coursing through his veins never quite stopped.

He pushed the alien into the couch, straddling his waist, on his hands and knees. Zim froze, his antenna waving wildly.

"I want this" Dib whispered. His pupils were blown.

"Do you want this?"

Zim looked up, stunned and mouth open. Dib leaned down and kissed at his neck.  
"Yes..." He exhaled and arched his back. He grazed his teeth over the soft jugular, tongue peeking between his lips to lick at the spot.

"Do you want me to stop?" Dib pulled away and asked gently. Zim closed his eyes and pulled him closer. His skin was electrified and Zim touching him back only amplified everything. He felt frazzled and drunk off endorphins. Shoving a hand roughly under the pink tunic, he clumsily stroked his chest, reveling in the softness of his skin. He felt his pulse, like the hum of a machine, vibrate under his fingertips. How far could he push it? Dib slid down, fingers right above his slit.

"Hi Mary!"

The two boys turned their heads. GIR waved and plopped onto the couch. Dib sprang away, sitting aggressively upright with his legs crossed. Zim cleared his throat and sat up, hands closed over his lap.

The robot stared at them, bouncing happily, like he just heard the most exciting news in his life.

"You're gonna marry my master!" He squealed in delight.

"NO!" They shouted simultaneously.

"You was kissin' on the couch!"

"No! He wasn't I was-"  
"We were-"

"You two were smooching!" GIR shrieked. He was beaming at the two horrified faces staring back at him.

"No we weren't!" Dib pleaded with the unmerciful machine. That wasn't technically a lie, they really weren't _kissing_... GIR giggled and kicked his legs.

"Eh, its no use," Zim said as he crossed his arms, sulking. "When he gets an idea like that, he just sticks to it until he finds something better."

GIR wrapped his cold metal arms around Dib's waist, much to his displeasure, and squeezed tightly.

"I'm gonna have TWO masters! This is the best day ever, even better than that day with the big puppy and the cupcake!" He said happy tears in his eyes. Dib didn't even know the robot could cry to begin with and now his favorite shirt was being soaked. He wriggled under the ropey limbs and pat GIR on the head. GIR retracted his arms and Dib gulped down a huge breath, his organs shifting back into position.

Zim turned on the TV and motioned for Dib to follow. They snuck away, GIR's eyes glued to some nauseatingly bright cartoon.

The underground levels of the base were dim and winding. Dib trailed behind, guilt pooling in his gut. He had been angry at Zim for manipulating him this whole time and here he was, about to bend him over after he had a fucking _panic attack._ What kind of hypocritical monster was he? 

"I'm sorry..." He muttered. He felt cold, the underground levels weren't nearly as warm.

"Hm? What for?" Zim replied. His body was engulfed in a light pink glow. Dib forgot his how much his eyes and pak glowed in the dark. He squinted. Not only was it dark as hell down here, he didn't have his glasses on.

"I didn't mean to, to _do that _up there. Or I guess, I _did _but, that doesn't make it right... I just acted on impulse and I should've just ignored it, you weren't in the right state of mind-" Dib's rant was cut short.

"Believe me Dib-thing, I relish in any groveling you do but this apology is unwarranted." He threw a hand behind him, stopping the human.

"Careful, there are mutated squid organs on the ground."

Dib stepped and felt a slight gush under his shoe. He bit back the bile rising in his throat and kept walking.

"Where was I?"

"You were saying my apology was unnecessary." Dib reminded him, cringing with every step he took in advance.

"Ah! Yes! As I was saying, your advances were not poorly received, therefore you have no reason to proceed with the formalities of admitting wrongdoings."

It was hard to tell with all the dim pink lights, but it almost looked like he was blushing.

"Zim would in fact, encourage, future advances should they occur..." he hummed.

"I'll, keep that in mind..." Dib replied under his breath, smiling uncontrollably.

Finally, Zim opened the last door and light flooded through the hallway. Dib peeled open his burning eyes and looked around. They were back where they started.

"What!? I thought we were taking some secret exit!" He whined.

"Nah," Zim said. "I was just waiting for GIR to get bored and find something else to do. You can take the front door out."

"Wow. Thanks Zim." He grumbled, still waiting for his eyes to adjust to the light.

"Oh, and one more thing..." Zim said with a sly smile. He strolled up to Dib and yanked him down by his coat collar. The human froze as a metal limb rose out of his pak and smooshed the broken glasses onto his face. Zim then shoved him out the door and locked him out. Dib began his trek home, dazed and exhausted.

"Woah, what happened to you?" Gaz asked, taking in his disheveled appearance. He waved her off.

She let him into the house, took one look at his face and sighed.

"I take it you got back together with your boyfriend?" She said, pulling his broken frames off his nose.

He didn't even have the energy to refute her statement. He stumbled through the living room and deflated onto the couch.

"Yeah I guess so..." He mumbled as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gir : *making two dolls fight* now kiss >:3
> 
> Thanks again everyone for all your kudos and comments! Next chapter will probably be out by this Saturday!


	4. Human Courtship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hate is a strong word...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a lil later than I expected, my weekend was busier than I thought it was going to be. Enjoy!

It was almost, sort of nice, Zim thought to himself. That Dib confronted him with his own lies. Sure, that had been an incredibly painful moment but it ended with those sweet lips on his neck and promises for more, so really, it was worth it.

Well, he assumed it was a painful moment anyway. After locking memories like that, and he locked that one _right_ away, he can never be too certain what really happened but he's pretty sure it was bad. There weren't any good archived memories after all...

The last painful thing he _could_ remember, in horrifying clarity, was the smack of Dib's skull against the unyeilding cement. How he grabbed the heavy body and sprinted into his house on his pak legs. And the overwhelming relief that tidal waved over his entire being when those warm, brown eyes, blinked open.

Zim caught himself smiling.

He was playing with fire. Glorious, dangerous fire and he licked his lips with every flare. Trying to remind himself what was at stake, that his _life _was on the line, it only made the heat in his belly stronger.

They would go easier on him if it had only been during his heat. And easy for Irkens usually included a banishment or two. But mating with an alien? For the sake of pleasing mere carnal desires? As an _Invader_?

Oh he was doomed. Doomed with a capital D.

The heat between his thighs throbbed. If he could keep this a secret from the Tallest, he might be able to have it both ways. He could just lay low, wait for them to call, and they hadn't called him in a while so he probably had some time.

Wait, it had been awhile hadn't it? Why was that?

He racked his brain until a locked symbol appeared in the corner of his vision. Oh.

What was he thinking about again? Right, mating with Dib. His long legs, Irk he was so _tall_...

It had taken him about 2 days to get over the fact he was a filthy xenophile, lusting after an inferior species like this. At first, it was easy to just blame it on the unrelenting need for sex during his heat.

You didn't have to be attracted to your heat-mate after all, no one would judge you for a momentary lapse in standards then. It was who you mated with outside of the breeding cycle that really doomed you.

He remembered the awful pink Skoodge turned when the rumor spread about how he mated with one of the top Vortian scientists during their elite days. It was a funny story then but now that he was on the other side of the coin, it made him feel a little sick.

At least _then _it was just a rumor. Irkens had to go through a full breeding cycle before their sexuality could be activated, something Invaders, including trainees who had been gulping down suppressants since day one, were not allowed to experience.

He shrugged it off. Who cared what Irk thought? He was Zim! And he was on Earth. No one was going to know about this. No one _could_ know about this.

Now all he needed to know was how to accurately court this human. The Dib was exceptionally bad at initiating contact, almost every single time Zim was the one to approach him first.

With the exception of today, of course.

He crossed his legs and hummed, remembering the hunger in those eyes. Did he mention Dib was tall?

"Computer! Display all resources with crucial information about human mating rituals!"

The words flashed past his eyes, everything he read was confusing. There was an abundance of contradictory statements, sometimes within a single article! They all had instruction on "human flirting" but said instructions varied a great deal between each resource. And that wasn't even taking into consideration the fact that every single article included an addendum that these so called "tips" might not even work!

It was so much more straight forward on Irk. A short Irken would approach a taller Irken and the latter would decide whether they wished to proceed or not. And if a taller Irken approached a short Irken, the answer was obvious 99% of the time.

  
"Egh, how am I supposed to make sense of this, this, disgusting mess of human attraction?"

"_This movie seems to be coming up rather frequently._"

The computer display an image of a DVD cover. There was an hour glass figured woman clinging to a muscular, well dressed man.

He waded through a few comments giving the movie five stars and raving about how stimulating the visuals were.

"Hmm, if these reviews are to be believed, perhaps I _should_ indulge in this earth film... GIR! Bring me the icky human romance movie!"

"Okie dokie!" GIR said as he tossed his hood over his head. The green dog skipped his way out the door, humming a cheery song.

Excellent.

Once GIR returned with the movie, Zim would learn all about earthly courting and, with his newfound knowledge, he could woo the Dib properly.

When Dib finally woke up, he was a wreck. The back of his head still kinda hurt and his neck had a crink in it from falling asleep on the couch. Most importantly, all he could think about was Zim.

He grabbed his glasses off the table. His style really didn't change much over the years but these were a little rounder and the prescription wasn't as strong.

It would be easy enough to ask his dad to make him a new pair but, that would require him explaining why he needed it. He grimaced. He'd rather just to deal with the out of date lenses.

Butterflies in his stomach rapidly turned to rampaging wasps as he recounted the last few hours of his life.

Fighting. Passing out. Waking up. Yelling at Zim. Making out with Zim. Walking underground with Zim. Flirting with Zim?

Dib swallowed.

That was flirting right? Oh God, what did he say again?

He rubbed his face, words pouring out of his memories like sticky molasses. Slow and murky.

The alien told him he wanted to continue. He was sure of that. He was _sure_ Zim was into it. And, obviously, that was a good thing.

It was pretty easy to get over a lie that basically amounted to '_I'm so horny for you, I lied so we could keep having sex_' when, you too, were also very horny.

Confirmation that this was more than just a job though, that there were feelings behind it? Well, that was making things more complicated for sure.

Dib leaned back and closed his eyes. They didn't have to make it weird. They didn't have to be all gushy and romantic just because they were having sex, it could be, just a friends with benefits type thing.

Enemies with benefits? Rivals with needs?

Did it even need a name?

They were Dib and Zim, he insisted to himself. If it made sense to them, that's all that mattered.

He pried his body off the couch like a burnt pancake and flopped upstairs to his bedroom. He shoved a clumsy hand down his pants and closed his eyes.

  
When he woke up, someone was slamming their fists on the door like his house was about to be detonated. He slumped out of bed, being as he was the only one home. Lucky him.

"Dib! I wish to engage in foreplay with you!"

Well, that was _not_ how Dib had been expecting to greet Zim the next time he saw him.

"Zim, shhhh!" He whispered in a panicked voice. "You, can't just, yell that out loud!"

"Why not?"

Well, for one thing, Dib had just woken up. The two were standing on his front porch as he had just opened the door. They were suspended for the next three days and he had hoped to get a couple more hours of extra sleep.

Dib prayed that his neighbors were either still sleeping or at work and nobody heard the _very_ enthusiastic consent Zim blurted out.

"Just come inside!" Dib snapped, still whispering.

He leaned against the door, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. It was too early for this.

"Can you sit down or something? I woke up like, two minutes ago, I haven't even brushed my teeth yet."

It felt extremely weird being in his pajamas in front of Zim. Like that was some line they shouldn't cross, even though he had already seen Dib's entire naked body.

Come to think of it, Dib still hadn't seen Zim nude. He wore his uniform everytime.

Zim tentatively sat on the couch, as if afraid it was some kind of trap. He placed his wig and contacts in his pak and glanced at Dib.

"Go on. Do your, post-sleep preparations, or whatever it is you find so important." He said, waving a hand in his direction.

Dib, in a poor attempt to appear calm, half-ran half- walked, up the stairs. He splashed some water on his face and brushed his teeth. Staring at his mysterious mysteries shirt that he ordered a size too big, and his ratty old sweat pants, he decided it might be a good idea to look more presentable. He tossed on a random shirt and jeans, scrambling back down the stairs before slowly sitting next to Zim.

"You put on more clothes just to take them off?" Zim asked bluntly.

Dib's ears turned pink.

"You're very, _forward_ today." He muttered.

"I am always forward. Going backwards would be stupid, you can't see behind you."

He hummed in agreement.

"I have been researching typical human mating rites. While I am aware you are not a female, a plethora of resources suggested an initial "warm up" before intercourse would be pleasurable for both sexes," Zim stated as if reading off a cue card.

"I would like to try putting my mouth on your reproductive organ." He finished.

Opening his mouth, but saying nothing, Dib meekly nodded his head. That was one hell of a way to ask about a blowjob.

Zim grinned and crawled into his lap.

"W-wait." He stammered out. "Can we take this, slow?"

All of their previous meetings had been extremely fast, orgasm being the goal to be met as quickly as possible. Now that the opportunity was here, he wanted to savor it.

"Of course."

"And," Dib started. "I want your clothes off."

Zim looked a little uneasy at the request. His antenna flicked.

"Is something wrong?"

"No! Nothing is wrong!" He denied a little too loudly.

Frowning, Dib stared at the little alien straddling his legs. He looked shaken, like a vampire bee just flew into the house and was out for blood. Literally.

"Are you hiding something?" Dib pressed. He really didn't want to go through this again.

"_No_. Zim is hiding nothing."

He sounded sincere.

Dib thumbed the hem of his tunic. It felt smooth, like a cross between vinyl and leather, though it was probably neither. The pink was so vibrant it made his fingers glow. He shoved it up, exposing Zim's belly and chest.

He was smooth like a doll. No nipples, no belly button.

Gingerly, Dib pressed into his skin. The softness was decadent. How could such a beautiful and gentle species be so ruthless?

Zim paused, then lifted his arms, allowing the dress to be pulled over his head, his antennae bouncing with the movement. Dib glanced between his legs.

"You wore pants today." He said simply.

It was Zim's turn to flush a bright pink.

"I didn't want to... make a mess..." He mumbled, not looking at Dib.

"Huh?"

He bit his lip and moved his weight to his knees. He tugged the black leggings down slowly. A string of pink fluid was dripping from his slit into the black pants below.

"Oh my god... Zim, you're so fucking..._W__et_..."

Realization hit Dib.

"Researching human mating... Zim have you been watching _porn_? How long have you been waiting for me?"

Zim ignored his question and shucked his boots off to remove the leggings. His inner thighs were glistening and he sat back down against Dib's legs, dampening the jeans.

Dib gulped.

"Are you gonna take your gloves off?"

"These stay on." Zim responded firmly. That was fine. Maybe another day.

"Are you going to expose your fleshy underbelly as well or is Zim to be disgraced alone?" He grumbled, crossing his arms in some strange form of modesty. Dib's clothes were soon on the ground as well.

They sat together, naked except for the black gloves. When nothing happened for a few seconds, Zim sighed and crawled down to the floor, spreading Dib's legs roughly.

Dib felt positively giddy, like his inhibitions were thrown alongside the forgotten clothes.

Zim wanted _him_.

Zim took a close look at his length, observing it with an almost scientific gaze. He ran a finger underneath from the head to the scrotum. He cradled his balls, giving a gentle squeeze.

"These are the testicles, correct?"

"Yeah." Dib breathed.

Zim hummed and wrapped his fingers around the base. His gloves felt cooler than his skin and Dib gasped at the temperature change. Pre cum beaded at the head of his cock.

Leaning in, Zim flicked his tongue to taste. He made a face and then shrugged, coiling his tongue around the length and squeezing. Dib moaned and his legs twitched.

"Y-yeah, do that again..."

He alternated between kissing the tip and licking before he pulled Dib into his mouth without warning.

What a sight. Zim on his knees, cock in his mouth. Dib looked closer. He was rubbing at his slit with his unoccupied hand, fingers plunged inside. His pink cum was shiny and dripped down his legs. He sucked hard and drew a cry out of Dib.

"You're so good, did you know that?" Dib groaned. His hips bucked forward when Zim tried to moan, the vibrations dancing around him.

"Were you thinking about me after I left?"

Another thrust.

"Were you getting off to me?"

Zim moaned again, frantically rubbing at his slit. His tentacle slid out, dripping sweet pink nectar onto the carpet. Dib's eyes went wide.

"Watching porn, imagining it was me... Pretending those actors were us, weren't you? Touching yourself, thinking about my dick in your mouth. How many times did you cum?"

And with that, Dib took himself by surprise and came inside Zim's mouth.

Everything was white and hot under his skin. He forgot what bliss it was, fucking Zim. It had only been a few days but his body reacted like it had been years. It felt like years.

Zim pulled away, smacking his lips together unpleasantly.

"Salty."

"Sorry, I should've warned you..." Dib mumbled. He crawled down to the floor and pushed Zim into his previous place.

"Eh?"

Dib smiled.

"Your turn, _space boy_."

He almost forgot how pretty Zim's genitalia was. His feelers pulsed as his thighs parted. Dib licked his lips. Pink was his new favorite color.

Fingers grazed the outside of his vent, smearing the fluid around. He brought them up to his lips and gave a taste. It was just as sweet as he smelled. Syrupy with an undercurrent of metal.

"Oh Zim, you're so... Beautiful..." He breathed. He had been waiting days for this moment.

Zim's breath hitched.

Dib brought the tip of his tongue to the bottom of his vent. Instantly, the tiny feelers tugged on his lips and tongue, pulling him closer to the entrance. He opened his mouth wider and flattened his tongue over the bulk of them.

He immediately regretted this decision.

It didn't hurt but the tiny tentacles felt like limp bristles on the worlds worst toothbrush, scraping along his tongue, making his mouth tickle. He tried to pull away but Zim whined and pressed his thighs around his head.

Fuck it. He'd been wanting to eat Zim out for so long, he could push through the unpleasant sensation. If he focused on how strange his body was, how different and inhuman...

His pride swelled. He was the only human to ever experience this.

He licked eagerly, swirling his tongue over and under the feelers. He dipped into the dripping entrance when they pulled him in and licked around when they pushed him out. Could he make Zim come without even touching the squirming tentacle above him?

He grinned and licked faster. The legs around his head were trembling and he sucked on each individual feeler, causing Zim to choke and sputter in a strange chirpy language. He bucked his hips into Dib's face and screamed his name.

Before he could pull away, Zim stiffened and yanked at his head, shoving his face into his groin.

Pink cum landed on his hair and, much to his displeasure, in his eye. The green body was limp on the couch as Dib rubbed at his face, running his tongue along his teeth. The whole inside of his mouth felt tingly.

When he opened his eyes, Dib expected to see the squirmy appendages retract back into Zim's body but, to his surprise, they remained out. In fact, Zim looked far from done. He grasped the bottom of his tentacle and curled it around his fingers.

"Mmmm..."

Zim hadn't looked this desparate since the first time they had done this.

"Four times..." He moaned, stroking his length. "You, ah, asked, how many times I achieved climax to the thought of y-you..."

Dib gulped. _Holy shit_.

"Jesus Christ, Zim..." he laughed nervously. "You sure you're aren't still in heat?"

"Mmm. Positive. Are you going to fuck me, _Dib._ Or do I have to do everything myself?"

The words would've packed a bigger punch if he didn't end them with a low whine.

Dib blinked and climbed onto the couch, pinning Zim into the cushions. Déjà Vu.

The alien looked positively pleased with himself, smirking and rocking his hips into Dib's hard on, barely struggling against the hands on his wrists.

"God, you're an insatiable little slut."

Zim moaned and pressed his hips up, tentacle wrapping around Dib.

He had to stop, just a minute. His arms were trembling.

Fuck.

Zim felt so good. His big magenta eyes and pink cheeks. Why was he so gorgeous?

Dib brought his head down, not quite into a kiss. Their foreheads pressed against each other and they breathed onto the others lips. When he felt stable enough to continue, he thrust gently into the coiled heat and pressed a wet kiss to Zim's neck.

"I missed you." he whispered. Were those tears in his eyes?  
"I missed you so much..."

He let go of Zim's wrists and pressed his body closer. Skin to skin.

"My space boy..."

Green arms wrapped around his back and scratched at his skin. This was right. This was how it's supposed to be, he thought. A small hand guided his cock lower, he slid over the vent and Zim shivered.

"I want to fuck you." He moaned.

A half truth. He wanted to climb inside Zim and stay there forever, engulfed in the sweet scent of his body and heat.

"Then do it."

He repositioned his length and plunged in, to the hilt, in one go. He was soaking wet and completely open.

If the gates of Heaven were real, it would be Zim.

Dib smooshed his face into his neck, kissing, biting, sucking. He wasn't sure which. 

Quivering, Zim wrapped his legs tight around Dib, unwilling to let go. He didn't want him to let go.

"Oh Zim..."

_I ---- you_

Fingers dug into his back muscles as the world supernovaed. The tears in his eyes threatened to fall as his body twitched and released. They kissed for real this time, open mouths and hungry lips. And soon enough it was over. He rolled off, catching his breath. 

...He didn't mean to say that.

If Dib was under oath, he would explain to the jury what he meant to say, that the words got stuck in his throat.

He'd be found guilty anyway.

His subconscious was a terrible attorney.

  
A quick glance at Zim revealed nothing. Prying information that was actually important out of him was like pulling teeth. When it came to emotions, he had some fantastic denial skills.

"Are you ok?"

"Hm? Why wouldn't I be," he responded, not looking at Dib. He grabbed his pants.

His heart sank.

"Please, look at me." He pleaded.

Zim did not.

"I'm sorry."

Nothing.

"I didn't mean it--"

That got a reaction. Zim stared at him with cold, glassy eyes. He couldn't really pull off angry. The closest he got was a kind of broken, lost fury.

"I know that." 

Dib swallowed and reached out to touch his shoulder. The invader tensed, but didn't bat it away. Zim winced at the sight of his big brown eyes flooded with tears.

He took his contacts and wig out with a sigh and slumped off the couch.

He mumbled. "I'll be back."

Dib didn't see it, but he heard the creak of the door as it shut.


	5. Human Courtship : part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is a stronger one.

"Hey, loser, I got your message." 

Gaz kicked her shoes off.

"You're lucky I owe you one, if dad finds out we both ditched-- oh Christ."

She tossed her backpack onto the ground and approaching the droopy mess that was her brother. His eyes were red and swollen. She awkwardly placed an arm around him and rubbed between his shoulders.

"What happened?"

He hiccuped and wiped an eye with his palm.

"I wasn't crying," he spoke in a shaky voice. A loud sniffle echoed in the room.

Gaz glanced at him with unease, then looked away.

"Uh. I'll, get you some water..."

If this kept happening, she was going to have to call up a therapist. Emotional turmoil was not her cup of tea.

She handed Dib his drink and sat down next to him.

"Zim again?"

He nodded and sipped his water.

"What did he do?"

Dib paled. The glass clinked loudly against the table. Hands trembling.

"It's my fault" he croaked.

Gaz frowned and held her tongue. If she recalled correctly, Dib had said the same thing last time.

"Are you sure about that?"

He swallowed and nodded again. His finger tapped at the table, looking more like the ghosts of tarantulas than hands, flexing and clenching. Spiders made her think of bugs.

Bugs made her think of Dib's idiot boyfriend.

She wanted to punch something. Perferably a dumb green face with big round eyes.

She sighed. "You two really suck at this."

"I don't even know what _this_ is..." He rubbed his face.

"And that's your problem, Dib. Look, I'm not the right person to ask for advice on stuff like this, you know that. But, even I know you two are shit at communicating. Even before you started screwing him, it wasn't your strong suit. I don't know how to help you, and I really can't take much more of this." She stood up and took his glass.

She spoke softly, uncharacteristicly delicate.  
"Go talk to Zim."

Her brow furrowed.  
"Seriously. Get out of here before he does something stupid."

He gave a short nod and scrambled out the door.

Zim flung himself around his base in a dazed stupor.

"Where is it, where is it..."

His hands knocked tools and experiments off his counters. One thing on his mind.

"Aha!"

The attachment was right next to the cheese filled aquarium.

Perfect. All he had to do now was hook up to the computer and manually evaluate the files in his pak. And once he archived that horrendous moment, the kind of moment that made his spooch shrivel up and die, everything would be okay again. Forgive and forget.

He smiled.

The wire was thick and heavy. He opened his pak and with an audible _click_, the attachment connected him to his computer. It was unnerving having your every thought visible in front of you, and no matter how many times Zim did this, he never got over it.

_Stress levels 45%_

That was high. But not unexpected.

Deciding there was no time like the present, Zim entered passcodes and released the security keeping his private thoughts, well, private. He clicked on a file, trying to eyeball for the one he wanted.

A short clip of his memories played automatically that made Zim blush. That was from hours ago, but he was getting closer. In the back of his mind, he wondered if other Irkens' thoughts were this disorganized and cluttered.

He knew they weren't.

_Stress levels 50%_

Oh, right.

He scrolled through the files for several more minutes before he heard a loud voice calling his name.

Irk. Now was not the time for this.

"I know you're in there Zim!"

A pause.

"...well actually I don't. But I have a pretty strong feeling you are!"

Zim exhaled loudly. He couldn't be brought in here, not while he was working on the most intimate parts of himself.

"GIR!"

The little robot popped up from inside the cheesey aquarium.

He squealed and splashed around.  
"I taste like yellow!"

"Go take care of The Dib, make sure he doesn't come inside."

"Yes sir!" GIR ran off, leaving sticky trails of cheese behind him.

  
Click. Click. Click.

Why was everything wrong? Why couldn't he find what he was looking for?

_Stress levels 55%_

"Oh pipe down!" He yelled at the voice in his head, gripping his antennae.

This stress was counteractive to his plan. Every new thought was a new file. His mind wasn't focused enough to do this right.

"Zim!"

He groaned and spun his chair around.

Dib was standing aggressively upright with smug look on his face. The same look that was a package deal with humiliation and vivisection threats.

_Stress levels 75%_

Zim swore under his breath and clenched his fists.  
"You shouldn't be here. How did you even get in?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. Your robot seems to really like me, I didn't even do anything."

Figures.

"Get out of my lab, Dib." Zim warned in a low voice.

"Nuh uh." Dib crossed his arms and walked closer.  
"We need to talk."

"Yeah, yeah that's great." He waved him off and turned back around.  
"But this is very important and I need to do it _right_ _now_. You have to leave, _now_."

"What are you even doing?"

Could he lie his way out?

_Stress levels 78%_

  
He exhaled loudly and picked at his gloves.

"I'm archiving some of my memories, my pak doesn't let me delete them so this is as close as I can come to but..."

Dib balked and stared at the screen.

"But I need to focus!" Zim shouted, slamming his hands down on the control pad.

"...Is this where you run to?" Dib muttered.

"Eh?"

"You're so..." He swallowed and looked him straight in the eyes.  
"Fuck you, Zim."

"What? What!? What did Zim do to you!?" He ran up to Dib, the wire in his back restraining him from going any further, like a leash.

Dib laughed, lip quivering.  
"You come here and what, delete memories of me?"

_Stress levels 80%: reactivation predicted_

His pak lit the room, warning lights turned on.

"Lock. It prevents me from accessing them but I can't delete memories." Zim corrected.

"Same difference."

Zim tried running forward again, only to hiss in pain when he was yanked back. Dib stalked closer, smacking his shoulder.

"What, can't deal with real life, Zim?" He sneered. "Can't deal with me? I'm just an inferior human, right? What does that make you, huh? Huh?"

"This isn't about you, you insolent worm!"

Dib scoffed, picking up on the lie immediately. He shoved Zim onto the ground, knocking the wire in his pak loose.

_Poor connection to stationary computer_

"Are there not memories your fleshy inferior brain wishes to forget?" Zim spat.

"Yeah," Dib's glare was icy and made his spooch turn.

"Meeting you."

S_tr__ess levels 95%_

"You don't mean that..." He muttered.

Dib's expression faltered but he remained silent.

Zim searched his eyes, taking in sharp breaths. His pak started to flash bright pink and he collapsed onto the floor.

_Stress levels too high, PAK overide engaged: ejecting connective device to prevent system overload_

Down.

  
Dib's eyes were as big as plates and he dropped to his knees.

"Zim?"

Why is it whenever they were in a bad mood, someone had to pass out?

"Zim!"

He slapped his face lightly.  
"C'mon Zim, wake up, wake up, wake..."

His little finger grazed the edge of his pak and he pulled it away with a yelp. That thing was _hot_. It cycled through pink and red lights before going dark. A small voice spoke from what appeared to be the device.

_Reactivation beginning_

In a single, jerky movement, Zim sat up and shivered.

  
"I hate having to get reactivated..." He groaned, stretching his arms and legs.

Dib's vision was blurry again. He wrapped his arms around the little alien and brought him to his chest with a choked whimper.

Zim struggled against the hug.

"Dib? What is the meaning of this!? Release Zim at once! Your arms are clammy!"

"I'm such a dick Zim..." he muttered, stupid smile still plastered on his face.

"Yes you are! You caused me to go offline!"

His sense returned and he pushed Zim away.

"Why were you deleting memories?"

"Lock. Archive. I cannot delete them." Zim frowned. "I am certain I already explained this to you."

Dib sighed.

"Okay. Why were you locking your memories?"

"It's a... common Irken practice, it uh, prevents the exposure of intense emotions that could... cause you to go offline." He explained, eyes shifting. "You do not know this?"

Dib scowled.  
"No. You tend to leave me in the dark about things like that..."

Zim blinked.  
"You spied on me everyday for the last several years."

  
Dib shook his head.

"That's not the point. Zim, what were you trying to forget?"

He flopped onto the floor with an audible slap and groaned. He looked absolutely miserable.

"You already know..."

Dib held his breath, guilt pooling in his abdomen. The air was still around them, both refusing to even make a sound.

"I'm sorry..." He finally choked out. "I didn't mean, I... That was fucked up I know, I don't know what I would've done in your place...I'm sorry I said that."

His stomach felt like a stress ball someone was abusing and digging their nails into.

"I don't hate you..."

Zim's antenna twitched. His body went still.

"What?"

"I don't hate you, Zim. I'm sorry I said that earlier."

It was quiet.

"Dib..." Zim started, in a small voice.

Previously unheard beeps and clicks echoed across the lab. His gloves squeaked when they rubbed together.

"You said you loved me."

  
He gawked at Zim.

"W-what?" He sputtered.

"You said "I love you"."

  
Zim sat up and stared at his baffled face. Dib's throat felt like he swallowed needles.

Zim's eyes narrowed. Pink was such a soft color just hours before. The red tones roared to life in the feverish underground lighting.

"And then you said you didn't mean it..."

"That's not true... You're lying..." Dibs eyes darted back and forth.  
"I never, I didnt--"

Zim's eyes were big and round and shiny. A sharp stab hit Dib's heart.

I ---- you...

I l-ve you...

He scrunched his eyes shut and put his head on his knees.

"I love you..." He mouthed. "I love you... I love you..."

He recited it under his breath like an unpracticed mantra. A quiet prayer. The words sunk into his lungs and he drowned in their weight.

"Why did you think.." 

"I don't know! You looked, upset, I thought, maybe. Just, a reflex or something. Muscle memory?"

"Do you mean it now?" Zim asked. The question hung in the air.

Dib raised his head. Zim crawled up close to him.

"Do you love Zim?" He clarified, eyes still just as big and longing.

Dib opened his mouth but did not speak.

Zim's eyes bounced back and forth, the light dancing in the pools of magenta.

"I-I..." He stuttered. They were so close. Too close. His first thought was to shove Zim away and run far, far from his base.

Shallow, butterfly weighted breaths, landed on his crossed arms. He didn't want to look at Zim but he couldn't tear his eyes away either. It filled him with adrenaline as every emotion he'd ever felt thumped alongside his heartbeat. He understood completely why Zim's pak overheated, this was a nightmare.

"I don't know." He said simply.

Normally, Dib not knowing something was exciting. It meant adventure, research, discovery. Ignorance meant his loose black trenchcoat and briefcase. Knowledge was constricting white labcoats and blue goggles.

"Do you?" He responded, instead.

"Do I what?"

He brought a hand up to Zim's cheek and cradled it. Zim shut his eyes and leaned into the touch, kissing the inside of his palm.

Dib's pupils were blown and his breathing was uneven.

"Do _you_ love me?"

Zim stilled. His antennae swished and drooped. Eyes on the ground, he pushed Dib's knees down and straddled his legs, moving Dib's hand to his waist.

"I am, afraid to answer that."

Dib pulled him closer. His heart was pounding. Zim leaned his head against his chest.

"Don't be scared, spaceboy." His voice was low and hoarse.

Zim smirked, eyes closed, sinking into the beat of his cardio-vascular system.  
"You're the one who's scared."

He couldn't argue with that. Arms pulled tighter. Zim was so _small_.

"I don't know how to feel about, you... This..." Dib started. "I can't picture, living, without... But I don't... I just don't know."

"And everything is just- you're an alien and I _barely_ understand _people_. I've never felt like this, _ever._"

Frustrated tears rolled out hard. His stomach lurched, feeling less like a human and more like an overturned milk carton.

"You make me so, _upset_! All the time! And you run away and don't tell me anything!"

He made a noise in his throat and gasped, gulping in air.

"How is this going to work?" He cried, laughing. His body shuddered, and he sobbed when Zim wrapped arms around his back and held him.

"Do you want it to work?" Zim muttered, nudging his head up to Dib's shoulder.

"I-aha" he laughed again, more tears. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

"Human courtship is so complicated..." Zim complained, voice muffled in the blue shirt.

Dib nodded, chuckling a little.  
"Yeah, it is."

Their bodies nestled into each other like they were built to fit together, and if they sat still enough, they could meld into one. Moving, in this moment, almost seemed blasphemous.

And yet, small hands fumbled at his shirt.

"...Zim would not mind, being The Dib's, love-pig..."

Dib held his breath.

"Why?"

Zim shot him an irritated look.  
"You sound displeased by my suggestion."

"Wha- No that's not what I-" Dib floundered. "I just think, maybe we're moving too fast?"

Zim blinked and looked down at their entwined legs. Dib was holding his hand delicately, as if afraid to break it.

"That's just a big step, is all."

Even still, Dib had tried over and over to imagine anyone else he would enjoy doing this with, with no results. But, you weren't supposed to rush in, right? This couldn't be love, could it?

"Dib," Zim started slowly. He frowned at the tone of voice, not happy to be patronized.

"I have learned typical human courting procedures, and I am completely certain when I say you have done everything backwards."

He let go of his hand, watching Zim's antennae droop a little at the loss.

Locks of hair slipped through his fingers.

"Do you even know what dating is? Do your people have, _anything _similar?"

Zim frowned and his antennae bounced around.

"Yes. But it is different on Irk."

"How so?"

He grumbled, arms tensing slightly.

"Committed mating, between two Irkens, is allowed, but discouraged. It is more common for one taller to have several short partners. However, your assigned mission takes precedence. They will seperate soldiers who are too attached to one another."

He paused.

"The taller you are, the more privileges you are allotted. Only high stature aristocrats can be official mates. My Tallest are mates."

Zim curled into him again, sighing.

"This..." He flattened his hand on Dib's chest.  
"-is highly unorthodox. For many reasons. Too many to explain."

The pulse under Zim's palm quickened when he placed a light kiss on Dib's neck. He exhaled, fingers sliding up Zim's hips to fumble underneath his tunic. A quick reminder of how soft his skin was.

"Okay." He breathed.

Zim kissed his throat again. Why did this feel like a surrender?

"Yeah, we can... We can do this."

Cold teeth pressed against his skin. Zim pulled away, smiling.

Looking at his face was almost overwhelming. He closed his eyes.

Their lips met in the way most situations started between them. Dramatic, harsh, uncoordinated.

Zim's lips were soft, oh God, were they buttery. Kissing him was more akin to pressing his lips to a spoonful of pudding. The tip of his tongue parted past his own lips, something which he was never self conscious of until now, and Zim greedily allowed it's entrance.

They had only kissed a handful of times, and each occasion was overshadowed by the ecstasy that was sex. Here though, Dib was willing to do anything just to know those lips would be in his near future. The thorny fortress around his heart melted when Zim's tongue coiled around his own. He could do this. He _wanted _to do this.

Zim tried to pull away, both gulping down one breath before smashing together again. Dib was pushed onto his back and Zim tore off one of his gloves. Small, unbearably soft, fingers laced into Dib's hand. His heart jumped, though he wasn't sure why.

Their dreaded lungs betrayed them, yet again, as they pulled away, gasping for air. A thin string of saliva connecting the two.

"Let this happen."

He thumbed his wrist, absorbing the pulse below.

  
Dib was so out of his mind, he couldn't seperate his thoughts from his words, unsure if he muttered a response out loud or not. Zim's eyes were a candy colored cosmos he wanted to dive into. His skin a silky river he drank from, like a man dying of thirst. They kissed again. And again. And again. Making up for lost time. For the weeks, months, years, they were tangled together and refused to budge.

Endorphins rushed through his veins and in the back of his mind, he wondered how long they had been down here.

Even further in his mind, he wondered how long he had been waiting for this.

Dib giggled and rolled onto his back, chest heaving. Zim followed suit, resting his head on his shoulder. His antennae flicked about, happily.

A loud ring filled the lab. Dib fished his phone out of his pocket and hit decline.

"Jus' Gaz." He mumbled.

He closed his eyes, wrapping an arm around Zim. He liked how the little black stalks tickled his face and vibrated.

His phone rang again.

Groaning, he tried to ignore it. When it rang a third time, he sat up, knocking Zim out of his way.

"What!?"

"Dad's home."

Yanked out of the dreamland, warmth left his body and he was suddenly very aware of the cold hard floor under him.

"Oh."

He swatted away the hand placed on his thigh.

"He uh, he really wants to talk to you."

Dib bristled.

"Well if that's the case, maybe he should've called me himself."

"C'mon Dib, you know you wouldn't have picked up if he tried." Gaz sighed.

  
For good reason. He hadn't had a pleasant conversation with his father in years.

"Are you coming home? It's nearly four."

Jesus. How long _had_ he been down here?

He glanced at Zim, reluctant to leave the coziness that had only just been born.

"Yeah, I'll... I'll come home..."

Zim's face fell.

"Okay. Alright, bye."

"Bye."

  
He shoved his phone back into his pocket and exhaled.

"Are you leaving now?"

Dib turned to Zim.

"Yeah... Yeah, I guess so."

His head ached from anticipation of another lecture. He rubbed his temple.

A small squeak caught his attention, and he watched as Zim re-gloved his hand. He blushed a light pink.

"What?"

"That meant something didn't it?" Dib pointed to the black garment.

"No." He responded far too quickly. "It meant nothing."

His face was unreadable again. Dib sighed.

"Can I trust you?"

"Of course you can, Zim is very trustworthy, filled with... honesty." He gave a nervous smile.

Dib grimaced.

"I need you to promise me something."

He cupped his hands around his cheeks.

"Don't try forget anything else. Please."

Zim's eyes were huge and unfocused.

"And, if I agree to that?"

Dib pressed his lips against Zim's, feeling rather than hearing the whimper he gave, when he pulled away.

"Then you're mine..." He whispered in response. Zim shivered. They kissed again and a thought popped into his head.

Dib had an idea. Dib had an absolutely _awful_ idea...

He bared his teeth in an, almost unnerving, smile.

"What?"

"Wanna come to my house?"


	6. Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The definition of family often varies from person to person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyo everyone! I just wanted to say real quick that wow, I'm really shocked by how many people have been keeping up with this story (I've seen it on zadr fic recommendation lists! Holy shit!) and I don't think I can express just how excited I get whenever I read your comments or see someone has left kudos or even just knowing there are people reading ;w; <3
> 
> Anyway, sorry, I'm done being mushy, I'll go back into the shadows...
> 
> (Heads up, this chapter does contain some dubcon, particularly near the end.)

Zim, by all accounts, was no expert on human relations. But, even he had to assume something was especially odd about Dib wanting to bring him home, especially after hearing his parent would be there, given the tense relationship between the two.

Then, Dib insisted he wear _his_ coat outside, even after Zim informed him, multiple times, it was not nearly cold enough to warrant such. His uniform did a perfectly good job regulating heat, thank you very much. But Dib would not take no for an answer. 

So they started their journey, Zim swimming in the black trenchcoat on his shoulders, while Dib ranted and raved about absolutely nothing. 

"-But that's gonna change soon! Ohhhh, he thinks it's _all _in his control but you know what? It's not!" 

Zim hummed a vague response, completely lost. He tuned out this rant ten minutes ago.

"So you agree with me?" 

What was he talking about? 

"Yes, yes of course." Zim waved his hand, oversized sleeve flopping with the motion. 

Dib beamed. 

"You really think so?" 

Hopefully. 

Zim nodded, antenna nervously curling under his wig. 

Holding hands while walking was a little difficult. A display of how they clearly weren't meant to fit together and yet, despite that, they did anyway. 

"It's kinda weird having you on my side." Dib said as he looked up at the sky. 

"It's nice though, I guess I can't complain." 

Silence.

"I've never..." He let go of Zim's hand.

"You're the first... I haven't, dated anyone before. But, that's okay! This will still..."

Zim watched his face contort into a variety of expressions. He concluded Dib was exceedingly terrible at hiding his emotions.

"I'm not just going to _use_ you. Well, actually..."

His fingers brushed through his hair in a single frantic motion. His lip quivered.

"I like you. For real, you know. I won't be... That part isn't fake." 

Zim considered, briefly, that he probably should've payed attention to whatever Dib was ranting about. Whoops. But, Zim could wing it, he was great at thinking on the spot.

"Are you nervous?" Zim asked. 

He chewed on the side of his fingernail. 

"A little." 

Dib's house came into view. The electric fence glowed a bright blue like always. Their hands clasped back together.

The front door opened before Dib had a chance to reach for the handle. Gaz stood in the frame, scowling.

"What is _he_ doing here?" She said as she opened an eye. 

"Is that your coat?"

Zim awkwardly met Dib's gaze and shuffled behind him. Not only was his height attractive, perhaps he could dual purpose as a fleshy meat shield... 

"Zim was cold." Dib lied. "Are you gonna let us in?" 

She glowered at Zim. Her gaze was intense, like if she stared hard enough, he would burst into flames. At least, that looked like what she was hoping would happen.

"I'll let _you_ in." 

Dib frowned and wrapped an arm around Zim. 

"Come on, Gaz." 

She scoffed. Dib stood his ground. Zim watched the energy bounce between the two before Gaz finally relented. 

"I don't know what you're planning, but whatever it is? It's a bad idea." She said, and lazily slunk away from the door.

Professor Membrane sat in the living room, sipping from a large cup. Dib spotted him and nearly crushed Zim's fingers, dragging him inside.

"Hi dad." 

The professor moved, as if about to say something, but decided against it. He stacked the loose papers on the table into a neat pile.

"Hello son." 

Zim gave a quick wave. 

He nodded in response.

"Hello, Dib's foreign friend." 

His teacup made a soft noise as he placed it back in its saucer. 

"Is he staying for dinner?" 

"Yeah." 

"Very well," Membrane said, sliding the papers into a Manila folder. 

"I'll reset the parameters for four people. Why don't you two have a seat." 

He stood up and faced Zim. Dib's father was truly a towering figure. He wondered absently if Dib would ever be that tall.

"Would you like anything to drink...?" 

"Zim, Dad. His name is Zim." Dib snapped. "It's been _six years_. You know his name." 

"Zim." He repeated, firmly. "Would you like a beverage?" 

"Eh. No." 

They sat down together on the couch, adjacent to the recliner Membrane had been in earlier. Zim fiddled with the sleeve of Dib's trenchcoat. It was well worn, the stitching undone in a few spots near the bend of the elbow. Human clothing was tragically inefficient. 

"You can take that off now, if you want." Dib muttered. 

"I thought he might notice and say something, but he's playing 'polite host' tonight..." 

Dib shot a quick glance at Zim and smiled to himself, staring at the wall.

"I like seeing you in my clothes." 

He bit his lip, eyes fixated on the same point. A hand rested on Zim's thigh. Too high to arguably be decent. 

His fingers fell just into the inseam of his leggings and Zim's mouth suddenly felt like a barren planet too close to its sun. He regretted not asking for a drink. 

Dib pressed right below the crevice of his leg. 

Was this part of his plan? 

"Dib what are-" 

"Shh." 

His fingers slid closer. Zim could feel the blood rush to his face. The room was so hot.

His legs fell open, just a little. Dib grabbed his thigh and pulled him closer until they were touching from knee to hip. 

Dib's fingers trailed up and under his waistband. 

Zim could hear footsteps approaching. 

Panic overrode the fog of lust. Zim yanked the hand out of his pants and scooted away, crossing his legs. His face a bright pink. 

It was soon made clear those footsteps belonged to Gaz when she walked into the living room. Her eyes locked in on Zim, curled up in Dib's coat, blushing furiously. 

"You okay?" She asked. 

"Zim is fine! This room is hot!" He responded, fiddling with the sleeves again. 

"Uh. You could take off Dib's coat? That would probably help."

He pushed away the thoughts that told him not to because it smelled nice and made Dib happy. It wasn't worth it if Dib's family found him suspicious.

"You may be onto something, sister of the Dib. I shall remove this garment of warmth! Witness my clothing removal skills!" 

Dib choked. 

"Don't say that." Gaz said, nose wrinkling. 

He tossed the coat into Dib's lap. 

"What do you want Gaz?" Dib groaned. 

She grinned, arms crossed. The shade of her purple hair, confidence, and height gave Zim an eerie sense of familiarity.

"Dad told me to stay out here and make sure you didn't get too handsy. Guess I'm a little late..." 

Dib paled.

"I'm kidding!" She laughed. 

"Although.."

Gaz plopped down in the space between them, ankle crossed over her knee.

"From the looks of it, maybe I _should_ supervise." She grinned in a smug fashion. 

Dib groaned again, hands on his face. He glanced at Zim and sighed.

"How long till dinner?" 

"About an hour." Gaz responded. She gestured towards Zim.

"I told Dad he was a vegan, so he should be safe from any meat products. Dunno what he likes to eat though. Don't care." 

"He likes sweet things." Dib mumbled, picking at the skin on his thumb.

When they were enemies, it felt like they were constantly getting shoved together. Zim frowned. Now that they actually wanted to sit next to each other, they weren't. 

He cursed Gaz under his breath and sulked. 

She turned on the TV and immediately ignored it, focus directed on the device in her hand. Dib tapped his fingers on the armrest and bounced his leg. He looked at Zim.

"I'll be right back." 

Dib got up from his seat, coat in hand, and walked up the stairs. 

"I will also return!" Zim said, trailing behind. 

He followed Dib up to his bedroom and paused, taking in the decor. 

Dozens of photos were taped to the back wall, near his computer. Most of them, pictures of Zim. Only a handful actually displayed his non-disguised form. 

Dib tossed his coat onto the chair and turned. 

"Oh. Yeah, the photos..." 

Zim plucked one off the wall. The picture smiled back at him. It looked old, he couldn't remember what he was happy about that day. 

"Sorry, I should probably take those down now." 

He flipped the picture over. On the back was writing in blue ink. The symbols were unfamiliar and didn't translate into anything when put through his language processor. 

"Did you write this?" Zim asked.

Dib smoothed his cowlick and looked away. 

"I used to write all my notes in code, for a while. I don't remember what it says." 

Zim smirked. 

"You're lying." 

"No! I'm not lying." His voice cracked. 

"Yes you are!" 

"No I'm not!"

"Liar!"

"No!"

"Your pants are dripping wet with lies!" 

"The expression is on fire!" Dib cried.

He tried to snatch back the picture but Zim put it in his pak, just as he reached over. Dib huffed and readjusted his shirt. 

"Fine. Keep it. It's not like you can de-code it anyway..." 

Zim made a mental note to attempt to decipher Dib's code as soon as possible. 

"Dib!" A voice called from below.

He flinched at the sound of his name. "We should probably get back downstairs before Gaz kills us." 

"Agreed." 

When they returned, it appeared Gaz hadn't moved an inch, and if she looked up from her screen at any point, there was no evidence of it.

"What do you want?" 

"Just wondered where you went." She responded. "Was I interrupting anything?" 

Dib frowned.

"Funny. Would you scoot over?" Dib asked, kicking at her foot. 

"Hm. Nah." 

"Fine, be that way." 

Dib sat down and pulled Zim into his lap. Warm arms wrapped around his waist. 

It was around this time that Zim noticed Dib was very, touchy. As in, he couldn't keep his hands to himself.

His tunic was pushed up, not high enough that it would offend anyone watching, but enough that Dib could pet softly at his skin with his thumbs. It was tender. A bit invasive.

He supposed that was ironic. 

Dib hummed and relaxed further into the couch. He rested his chin on Zim's head as they half paid attention to the show. 

A few minutes passed, the living room devoid of all noise except the sounds coming from the TV and Gaz's device. 

"Alright, I'll bite. Why is Zim here?" Gaz said, momentarily peering over her screen. 

Dib's grip unconsciously tightened around Zim's waist. He sat up a bit straighter. 

"Because if you're trying to piss off Dad, it's not working." 

"Shut up." Dib snapped. 

"Why is he home anyway? Do you know anything?" 

"Not much. He had something important to tell us, but he was waiting for _you_ to get here." 

She rolled her eyes and nodded towards Zim. 

"Guess we aren't hearing about it tonight." 

Dib turned back to the TV. When it looked like Gaz was once again fully invested in her game, he leaned into the top of Zim's head. 

"Hey, slight change of plans." He whispered. "Did you see those papers my Dad took with him into the kitchen?" 

He nodded. 

"I need you to grab them." 

Zim scoffed and raised his chin, looking Dib in the eyes. 

"And I should retrieve these papers for you, why?" 

A hand plunged completely under his tunic. Heat pooled in his belly. 

"I'm sure I can make it up to you." Dib murmured.

He slid off Dib's lap, already missing the gentle warmth, and began his new mission. 

Despite how long they'd known each other, Zim was about as familiar with Dib's house as the other was with his base. 

Luckily, human architecture was far more self explanatory and he quickly found himself in the kitchen. 

Membrane was typing code into some sort of strange machine. He noticed Zim's confused expression and explained the machine was a prototype, a product Membrane Labs would be releasing in the future, to print organic material. But for now, he just used it to make dinner. 

Zim peering into the tinted window, not dissimilar to an oven door, and watched various food items materialize on a spinning platform. He was familiar with these kind of food generators, their convenience made them very popular on Foodcourtia. Not that he would know anything about the in's-and-out's of that sort of thing; Zim was no slimy food service drone.

He regathered his thoughts and spotted the folder he had seen earlier. Right, he was on a retrieval mission. 

The folder in question was laying, quite openly, on the table, next to a few napkins and forks. While membrane seemed friendly enough, Zim was pretty sure asking what was inside would get him nowhere. He needed a diversion. 

Normally, GIR would be an excellent tool for such but... Zim eyed the machine. 

If his experiment was engineered in a similar enough fashion to the food generators he was accustomed too, then they must have the same design flaw.

"So, this is still in its experimental phase, yes?" 

"That is correct." Membrane responded. 

"And, may I ask what food material it is, you are producing for my consumption?" Zim asked.

"Oh, that's right. Gaz informed me that you are of the vegan proclivity. What would you like to eat?" 

Zim grinned. 

"Thirty eight purple earth fruits." 

"That is an oddly specific and excessive amount of fruit." Membrane noted.

"But, you are a teenage boy after all..." 

He typed the necessary code into the controls. Uncomfortable beeps and whirrs immediately began emitting from the generator, like fog from a celebratory Irken smoke machine. The baffled professor began furiously typing while Zim snagged the folder and shoved it in his pak. That should keep him busy, for a while. 

"Dib, where are your bathroom facilities?" Zim asked as he snuck out of the kitchen with a proud march. 

"I request your presence in private!" 

Dib sat up, and meeting Zim's eyes with a coy smile, telepathically communicated he understood. 

Gaz shuddered and gave a sour face. 

"I didnt need know." 

They sprinted down the hall, Dib grabbed him by the hand and lead the way again. Zim made another mental note to download a map of Dib's house into his pak's environment files. This was getting old. 

One short slam of the door and they were huddled together in the small room. Dib sat on the edge of the bathtub. 

"Well?" He motioned a 'gimme' gesture with his hands. 

Wait a minute. Zim had something Dib wanted. He couldn't just let that opportunity go to waste. 

"I will show you the illegally obtained--"

"Wait hang on, it wasn't _illegal_\--" Dib interrupted.

"Silence! I will show what you want, _if,_ you do something for me." Zim said with a mischievous grin.

A light pink painted Dib's cheeks. 

"What do you want?" 

Zim stepped forward, hands on the tub's edge. Dib shrank under his gaze, and Zim used his, albeit conditional, height as leverage. 

"Tell me what you wrote on that picture." 

"Oh." Dib said, sounding a little confused.

"I thought- nevermind. Why do you care about that so much anyway?" 

Zim pouted, hands on his hips.

"I held up _my_ end of the deal, _Dib_."

He mumbled, head down.

"What was that?" Zim asked with an evil grin.

"You suck you know that?" He grumbled.

"It's not even that important, all I said was...you looked, uh, cute that day. Your smile was cute." 

"That's it?" 

Dib blushed and cleared his throat.

"That's all I'm going to _tell_ you." 

Well, he could still try to decipher the rest if he felt like it.

Zim's pak opened up and he dug around a minute before pulling out the brilliant white papers. 

Dib's eyes widened. He grabbed the top file, careful not to wrinkle it, and read silently. His face shifted from neutral to confused to livid. His hand was shaking by the time he handed it back. Zim wasn't ever _scared_ of Dib, per say, but he could be intimidating in his highly emotional states. 

"What does it say?" Zim asked, in the most tactful voice he could muster.

He was greeted with no response, a haunting absence from his usually angry ramblings.

What did humans find comforting? Touch? 

He tugged on Dib's shirt to get his attention. He looked with unseeing eyes, mind evidently still wandering. Without any prompting, Dib suddenly pulled him into a rough kiss, hands cradling his cheeks. His lips were chapped and rough from repeated biting.

When they pulled away, Dib exhaled, like his entire body was one raw, open nerve, being stabbed by a jagged edge. His hands didn't leave Zim's face.

"You're mine... you're everything to me..." He whispered. 

At least he was talking again. 

Their lips met, the second time a little less coarse than the first. It was less of an attack, more of an unfruitful attempt to breathe through someone else. 

He finally, _finally_ stopped and realized how long they had been hiding out together. He shook his hands out and reached for the door knob. 

"Are you ready for dinner? Because I know I sure am." Dib muttered. 

They returned, greeted by light jeers at their expense. There was something chilling about the way Gaz's snide remarks rolled off Dib's back like nothing, when they returned from their bathroom escapades. Zim was sure she knew something was wrong when her taunts ceased and she reluctantly began to set the table. 

"My apologies, Dib's little friend, I was only able to salvage a fraction of your requested meal." 

He set a small plate of various earth fruits in front of him. That was more then he had anticipated to be saved, at all. 

"Ah, that is to be expected, food generators before a certain model always have trouble materializing purple." Zim said, poking at a small round, thing.

"You are familiar with organic constructors?" 

"Oh yeah, where I come from, they're everywhere." 

Membrane hummed and cut into his steak with the precision of a surgeon. 

"So, Zim, you are a classmate of of my son's, yes?" 

Zim nodded, pushing the food on his plate around with a fork. 

"Yes, Zim is a perfectly ordinary, human student." 

It was hard to tell, but it looked like that got a subtle smile from Membrane. 

"Have you been thinking about your future at all?" 

Dib stabbed his steak, fork hitting the plate loudly.

"Well uh..." Zim looked back and forth between the two humans, trying to come up with an answer on the spot that didn't include 'conquering the earth' and 'probably mating with your son again'.

"I plan to..."

What did he know about Dib's father?

"Do, science?" 

The man radiated positive energy as he beamed at Zim. Dib on the other hand...

"That's wonderful! I've been trying to get my son into the field, but he refuses to meet me halfway. Perhaps you would do a better job at convincing him to--" 

Dib slammed his cup onto the table.

Gaz grimaced. "Oh boy."

"I don't believe this." Dib muttered.

"What was that, son?" 

"He's lying to you Dad! Zim is an alien!" 

Membrane sighed. 

"Haven't we gone over this enough? Aliens don't exist." 

Dib looked ready to kill.

"Yeah? How would you know? Huh? You don't notice anything! You didn't even notice that Zim is my boyfriend now!" 

"Well, at least he admits it." Gaz said, talking a sip of her drink.

Membrane gave a confused look. 

"Was there, something to notice? I thought you have been dating this whole time, you had so many pictures together and wouldn't stop talking about him--" 

"That's because we were _ENEMIES_ Dad!" 

He sighed. 

"Did you think I wouldn't love you if I knew you were gay?" 

"No, that's _not_ what I-" 

"Because I will support you no matter how many ugly, deformed boys you love." 

Dib pulled at his hair and laughed. 

Zim awkwardly shifted in his seat, still poking at his dinner. 

"That's it! I'm moving in with Zim!" Dib exclaimed.

"What!?" Zim and Gaz yelled simultaneously. 

Sweet Almighty Tallest, had Dib lost his mind? 

"Wow this dinner sure was food!" Zim grinned nervously as he scraped the meal onto his napkin and quickly shoved it into his pak. 

"But I really think I should get going. A human needs to recharge and all..." 

Dib grabbed him by the arm and sat him back down. Zim gulped. Family dinners should be classified as a form of torture under the planetary peace treaty acts.

"I wasn't going to discuss this in front of your friend but given your recent suspension from skool I have to ask, what has gotten into you? Why are you acting unnecessarily hostile?" Membrane frowned. 

"Are you sure this isn't how I'm _supposed_ to act?" Dib retorted.

"What does that even mean?" 

"You made me! Why don't you tell me?" 

Even bright blue goggles couldn't obscure the disappointment in his eyes. 

"Is this about the events regarding your creation? I have never hidden the fact you and Gaz are clones." 

Dib laughed. 

"Yeah? Well, you sure as shit hid the fact that we weren't the only ones! Were we not good enough Dad? Not up to your standards? Did you have to try again because your first experiments were defective!?" 

Zim flinched at his choice of words by instinct. 

"That is enough Dib!" Membrane roared.

Dib's breathing was harsh and audible. He slammed his hands onto the table, rattling the silverware, and stormed out of the kitchen.

Even Gaz looked a bit shaken up. 

Membrane exhaled and rested his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry about my son. He can be, combative. You are free to leave." 

Zim slid off his seat and backed away from the table. 

Cold autumn air sliced through his skin but Dib didn't care. He wanted- no. He _needed_ to get out of the house. Get away from his family. 

He snorted. Barely even a family. 

His dad wasn't lying, he always knew they were clones, ever since he was young and asked why they didn't have a mother. _Professor Membrane_ was disgustingly proud to admit the truth, he showed off his children to the world like they were first rate pieces of technology, never considering their feelings. 

So what if his sense of identity was taken before it ever had a chance to grow? 

He could handle it. Dib nodded to himself, yes he handled it very well. He knew who he was and what he wanted. No point agonizing over it. What was done was done.

Whether his father- no. Whether his _creator_, admitted it or not, Dib was always, _always_ meant to be an heir. Meant to take his place once he was gone, continue the pursuits _he_ started. Maybe Gaz was just a back up plan, he could never really fit her place into it.

But this?

Dib's jaw clenched hard enough to break. 

Why would he want to bring a new life into this? Why try again? 

Hot tears fell before Dib had a chance to react. He choked and gasped for air, arms wrapped tightly around his middle, leaning against a street light. The sun hadn't finished setting yet. 

He wished it was. Crying in the dark seemed less shameful somehow. 

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. The words rang in his head, a painful tinnitus of misery that wouldn't leave. He sank down, sobbing. 

Dib flinched when a small hand touched his shoulder.

He said nothing when Zim dragged him to his base. His broken breathes the only sound the whole way there. Maybe they were supposed to talk about it. Dib was sick of doing what he was supposed to do. 

Gir hopped up to his leg, giving it a hug, before Zim snapped at the robot and sent him away. Not that Gir seemed to mind much, one way or the other. 

Like a key sliding into place, the moment Dib laid on the couch, quickly becoming more familiar to him than his own, the guilt began to set in. 

Zim looked pissed though he couldn't quite place why. 

"This is beneath you." 

Pink eyes glared at him. He stroked Dib's cheek softly, the cold and angry exterior juxtaposed with the delicate gesture. 

"I will not permit you to leave my base, you are disgustingly unstable." 

Dib swallowed. Not like he wanted to anyway. 

Zim's gaze softened. His thumb traced over Dib's bottom lip and he turned his head to lean into it, kissing Zim's gloved palm. 

Bizarre didn't begin to cover it. In fact, Dib was still incredibly unsure when this borderline romanticism started, and why he didn't want it to stop. It felt big and small and gross and painful all at once. 

He yanked Zim closer. 

Dib had to bring a roughness to it.

Bring an edge to to it.

That made sense, it was natural. It was how it had to be. 

He knew it was an awkward angle, the way he pulled Zim into his arms. Good, _great_, he thought. All the better it didn't work right. Maybe, they weren't _meant_ to work right.

Maybe they could be wrong together. 

His laugh was broken and weird but, it was a laugh nonetheless, and he rolled onto his back, the smaller body resting on his chest. Zim's eyes glowed and blinked slowly like he was drunk and God, Dib wished he was drunk. Kisses peppered at Zim's jawline. He sucked air through his teeth in a short hiss when Dib bit at his skin. 

Dib tugged at the black gloves, yanking them off with an excessive amount of force and interlocked their fingers. Zim whimpered and pressed their bodies closer. 

"S-stop..." Zim slurred. His eyes were scrunched tight and he nuzzled into Dib's shoulder.

Dib couldn't stop. He didn't want to. 

His hands were achingly soft. Dib pulled his palms to his lips and pressed a kiss to each one of his fingers. They ended in little claws that couldn't possibly be big enough for any kind of natural predator. 

He sucked a finger into his mouth and reveled in the soft mewls Zim gave him. He would make sure no one, not another soul, would ever hear those noises. They belonged to him as much as the rest of Zim did. 

Dib yearned for another touch, another caress of Zim's skin. He pushed away the pink dress and danced his fingers up and down, counting ribs that just years before he wanted to cut open. He still wanted to open Zim's chest, shove his way in and pull at his heart until it broke. 

Make him cry. 

Part of him knew that was fucked up but, then again, he didn't much care. He traced the dip of Zim's waist. With both hands there, he could've wrapped all the way around. 

More contact, his mind screamed at him. Get closer, closer, _closer_. They could melt together and forge into something better. 

Zim's finger left his mouth with a pop and it was a race to see who could disrobe the fastest. Adrenaline surged through his body. Dib felt on top of the world under Zim. 

Dib laced their hands together again and Zim let out an unearthly chirp, grinding his hips down hard, his tentacle exposed and active. He pressed his face further into Dib's shoulder and bit down in the curve of his neck. 

The feelers grabbed at the head of Dib's cock and brought it up towards his vent, tentacle wrapped around the base for support. Dib cursed and thrust into the heat. 

"Oh God oh God oh God oh _God_" 

It had been less than a day since he last fucked Zim and yet, just like before, it was like his body forgot all memories of it. He promised himself, swore on his heart, one day he would get a chance to simply enjoy it, without worrying about anything else. At least once. Curled up together on a lazy morning, taking all the time in the world, maybe never even leaving the bed. 

He slowed down from his breakneck pace and rocked his hips. Gentle.

Was that what he wanted? 

Zim trembled under his touch, lights from his pak glowing a cool pink, dancing on his skin like water in an endless basin.

Dib squeezed his hand and rocked a little faster.

His orgasm wasn't Earth shattering, it wasn't a burst of pleasure. It was a flood of tenderness, boiling over and spilling out of his chest in a way he never imagined, himself: Dib Membrane, could feel. 

And for a moment, he thought, maybe he understood. 

He pulled out, still a little on edge, and reached between Zim's legs, stroking at an even pace. He felt like apologizing, though he wasn't even sure what for. Instead, he pressed a kiss to Zim's head. 

"You're so good. So perfect." He whispered.

A quick shudder and Zim finished in his arms. 

For the first time, no one ran away. No one left once it was over. 

They stayed, tangled together, messy and confused, on Zim's couch. Zim clung to him, like Dib was the last remnant of hope in a broken world, and maybe, Dib thought, he wasn't too far off. He closed his eyes.

Dib could think again in the morning.


	7. Immodest Gestures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things are better left unsaid.

It had been a while since Zim last indulged in sleeping, for good reason. Irken paks conserved energy in cycles while its occupant was awake. Sleeping took too much time, for too little gain. It was inefficient. 

Well, that and the nightmares.

  
"Zim! Zim! Stop screaming! It's just me!" 

  
He blinked a couple times; loose colors and sounds fading away, Dib's form fading in. 

"Are you okay?" He spoke again. 

Zim groaned. "I've been worse..."

Whatever images his stupid, fleshy brain had manufactured were now completely wiped from his memory.

  
Zim looked down, his senses slowly coming back to him. Their hands were woven together, his top two fingers in the spaces between Dib's first three. In a sudden panic he realized his gloves were off. 

He snatched his hand away like Dib was a hot stove, and he had all intentions of keeping his skin intact. 

"I'm fine." He mumbled. Sleeping left him groggy and disoriented. He spotted his gloves, sitting right in front of his reach, and slid them on. Much better. 

"Why'd you do that?" 

"Eh?" 

"The-"   
Dib flung his hand away in an exaggerated movement.  
"That." 

Zim pouted. 

"Why don't you like when I hold your hand?" Dib pressed on. 

"It's-" he exhaled, searching for the word.  
"Vulgar." 

Dib chuckled a little. 

"Vulgar?" 

"It's not something I'm... Invaders are not allowed to touch other hands like that." 

"Why not?" Dib asked.

Explaining typical Irken social gestures was tedious. He frowned and flopped back on top of Dib.

"Just don't do it."

"But, when we were kissing _you_ were the one that did it first. So you started it." 

"And I shouldn't have done that!" Zim snapped.

Dib looked confused. A little hurt. 

"Okay, fine, I won't... I won't do that anymore, I guess. But could you at least tell me what it means?" 

He shook his head. Dib sighed and cupped his face, staring into his eyes. 

"I thought I could trust you." He murmured, striking Zim with a precise attack of guilt that made him want to curl into smeet position and deactivate.

It's not that Zim didn't want him to know the truth, as much as he didn't want to go through the mortifying ordeal of telling it.

Dib pressed their foreheads together and sighed. 

"It's probably like, really really early in the morning. I don't want to fight right now." 

Zim nodded and rested his head on Dib's chest. He must've fallen asleep laying on top of the human's body earlier. 

"You can trust Zim." He said, after a few minutes.

"Why won't you tell me what it means then?" Dib responded, eyes closed. Zim poked his belly to keep him from falling back into his slumber.

"Why don't _you_ tell Zim what the writing on the photo says?" 

Dib squirmed a little and mumbled.

"It's embarrassing..." 

He rolled onto his chest to face Dib.

  
"Then the answer is obvious here, human. We both have something the other desires, and at the same time a reluctance to deliver it. We must exchange them, in a mutual agreement of suffering and information collecting!" 

He yawned and lazily pet Zim's head. 

"Fine. Who's going first?" 

"You." 

Dib hummed. 

"I'm gonna be honest here, I really don't remember it word for word, but-" 

He yawned again. 

"Do not fall asleep, you inefficient creature!" 

"Geez, sorry. It's kinda hard to stay awake when you're snuggled up like this." 

Zim rolled away and stood in front of the couch. 

"Nooooo," Dib whined. "Now I'm cold." 

"Ha! Your warm blooded body can't save you this time, Dib!" Still laughing, he reached into his pak and pulled out the item of interest. He shoved the picture in Dib's face.

"Read it!" 

Dib groaned. 

"It's a really simple substitution cipher, can't you just break it yourself? I mean, the key is probably back in my bedroom somewhere anyway..." 

An antenna curled around his cowlick and Zim gave, what could be described by the uninformed, an almost reassuring smile. Dib, however, knew better.

"You just want to watch me humiliate myself, don't you?" 

"Yup!" 

A short sigh and Dibs eyes scanned the symbols. His face wrinkled as he cringed at the words. 

"Oh god, it's worse than I remembered..."

"Say it! Out loud!" Zim giggled and wagged his hands. 

"Please don't make me say it..." He pleaded with big round eyes and a delicious little pout. It reminded Zim of GIR when he really wanted something. Luckily, unlike GIR, Dib could be reasoned with.

  
"We made a deal, Dib." 

He rolled his head unhappily and let out a deep breath. 

"A poem by Dib Membrane, untitled." He grimaced as he read aloud. 

"Oh no... What was I thinking?" 

"A poem!" Zim squealed. "Oh this will be excellent!" 

"Shut up..." 

His eyes went back to the page.

"I see you walk, run and sleuth. You pretend you are one of us, but I know the truth. Its precious like stone and you are the granite. And on this day, I remember when you first came to my planet." Dib paused. 

Wait a second. It was all coming back to Zim.

"This was written on the fifth anniversary of my arrival... I was returning to my base to call my Tallest and update my progress, and you approached me and demanded a twenty-four hour celebratory truce. Then you gave me a..."

He looked at Dib. 

"You gave me a flower. It was yellow." 

Dib bit his lip and looked away.

"A daisy." He murmured. "Should I continue?" 

"Yes." 

  
With a quick stretch Dib sat up and popped his neck, causing Zim to shudder. Humans and their nasty bone crunchy sounds. 

Plopping onto the floor, Zim leaned against his legs and waited.

"I don't know if I can say this," he laughed nervously.   
"It's so, _bad_." 

"You will keep reading until it is finished!" 

"Fine, fine, fine. Ugh. But I warned you." 

With a labored breath, Dib continued.

"Your smile haunts me. It's bright and eerie. Pulls me closer, when you're near me. I picture your mouth in unspeakable scenes. Sends a thrill down my spine that longs to feel seen. I worry that one day, you'll open my head, all bloody and red, and see all the things I think in my bed. You infest my dreams, like they're yours to own. But still, I cannot bear, to leave you alone. Let's fight forever, I'll keep the earth free. Happy fifth year here, to my worst enemy." Dib finished and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Oh my God, that sucked so much, I'm so sorry you had to hear-" 

He stopped.

Zim was staring at him in awe, like he never heard something quite as beautiful as his unedited 10th grade poetry. 

"Zim?" 

He blinked, the world coming back into focus, and grinned. 

"Yes, I agree that was very terrible. I shall remove it from your line of vision now!" He said as he snatched the photo and stuffed it back into his pak.

Dib shook his head, red faced. 

"Whatever. I did what you wanted, it's your turn." 

He laid down on the couch, propped up by his elbows.

"Tell me about your weird alien customs. Like why you think wearing only gloves is a good idea." He said, pointing out the single garment breaking up the nudity between the both of them. 

"This is more modest." Zim responded blankly. 

Dib hummed, his eyes flitting over Zim's body. 

"Is holding hands, a private thing, for Irkens?"

"The way you do it, yes it is." Zim responded.  
"It's a vestigial practice from early civilization. Pre-control brains." 

Dib squinted. 

"What are the control brains again?" 

"Massive computers. They make objective decisions in the event the Tallest are not qualified." 

"So, they are the ones that say you can't hold hands?" 

"It's not-" Zim rubbed his face. "_We_ cannot do the hand ritual because _I_ am an invader and _you_ are a human. Besides, we can't be encoded to each other, it's illegal. And impossible." 

"Zim, I have no idea what you're talking about. Haven't we gone over this before?" 

"This is different! This is more than just meager lust, I am an elite soldier! I'm not supposed to want _that_ at all!" 

Dib frowned.

"Stop worrying about what you're _supposed_ to want! Just, be honest with me! Fuck the control brains and Irk and your tall dictators." 

He slid onto the ground next to Zim. 

"What does _Zim_ want?" 

"I can't tell you." He mumbled.

"Why?" 

"Because." 

"Because _why_?"

Zim pressed his face into Dib's shoulder. 

  
"You wouldn't believe me..." His voice was muffled and quiet. 

"What?" Dib asked gently.

"Nothing! Nevermind! Zim said nothing!" He shouted as he peeled his body away. 

"Hey! Wait, c'mon don't do that." Dib snaked his long arms around his middle and pulled him back. Zim begrudgingly sat in his lap. 

  
"What can I do to convince you to tell me?" 

"Nothing, you big headed pain in my spooch! I have given you sufficient information, make do with it!" 

"Hm. See I disagree." Dib trailed his hands over Zim's body, like he was recording every surface inch of skin into his memory. 

"If you don't tell me, I'll start guessing." 

Zim gulped. He wasn't sure which was worse. If Dib guessed wrong and assumed something horrible or... If Dib guessed _right_. 

"Go ahead and try! Even as the most impressive specimen of earth, you will never understand superior Irken communications!" 

"You think I'm impressive?" Dib smirked.

"Wha- NO! YOU LIE!" 

Dib laughed and hugged Zim tighter. 

"Hmm, so it's an ancient ritual... Do people on your planet still do it?" 

"Some. It is illegal for most." 

His hands idly traced circles on Zim's chest. 

"Okay, I'm gonna take a stab and say it has something to do with mating." 

A palm laid flat on his chest. He was sure Dib could feel his accelerated pulse.

Zim squirmed in his grasp.

"You mentioned getting encoded together. Is that something you do in a committed relationship?" 

Dib grinned.

"Is that like, getting married?" 

His normally green skin with smothered by a furious pink. 

"It is, isn't it?" Dib laughed. 

"It's not funny!" 

"It is a little. I mean, it's kinda like when you have your first crush and you write your names together in your notebook." 

Dib rested his head on Zim's shoulder.

"Do you want to _marry_ me, space boy?" 

"I WANT YOU DEAD!" He shouted, clawing at the arms restraining him. 

Dib laughed again and finally released his grasp. Zim scurried away and threw Dib's clothes at his stupid, giant head. 

"Get out!" 

"Aw what? You can't be serious Zim! It's like, 30 degrees out there!" 

"Hm. Sad for you." He said, pulling his uniform back over his body.

"I'm going to stand outside in the cold and wait for you to feel bad about making me go out there." Dib said as he buttoned his pants.

"Well, that will never happen! Zim feels no pity!" 

Dib shrugged on his coat and stepped outside. Zim gleefully slammed the door in his face and waited. 

  
A minute passed in silence. 

Dib was going to be fine, right? Humans could withstand a wide range of temperatures. He remembered when it snowed years ago and one of their classmates, Torque Smackey, jumped into the frozen lake. Sure, he lost a toe, but he was okay after that. 

No, Dib deserved this. He was dumb and rude and patronizing and-

"Oh man, it actually is freezing out here..." 

He was cold! Zim reached for the doorknob.

Wait a minute, no! That was exactly what Dib wanted! Zim was not weak-willed! He crossed his arms. 

"Are you suffering yet?" He shouted through the door.

"Uh, a little." 

Good. Soon, his suffering would be great and then he would learn not to make fun of the mighty Zim. 

  
"I'm sorry for laughing at you." Dib said.

He pressed an antenna against the door. 

"Are you just saying that so you can come back into my base?" Zim questioned. 

  
"No!" 

A beat.

"Maybe a little." 

  
Zim scoffed. 

"I mean, I did read you my horrible poem, I figured we were even." Dib said.

A short laugh. 

"If I was an Irken, I guess I'd probably lock that memory." 

A cold chill ran down Zim's spine. If Dib was an Irken, would he be def--

He cut that thought off right away.

"No. You wouldn't." He muttered.

  
It was quiet again. If he really tried, Zim could hear the wind rustle the fiery leaves outside. Dib broke the silence.

"I've been thinking, you know, what if... what if this is a bad idea?" 

Zim slid down the door and pressed against it. They sat back to back, only a couple inches between them.

"I mean we don't even know how we feel about each other, or what our relationship even, _is_." 

Something in his spooch lurched. Zim knew exactly how he felt about Dib. 

He felt the stars align when he was near. Smelled like the sweetest snack in all known parts of the universe. Warmth spread through his body thinking Dib as a mate, just as a sense of purpose flowed through to think him a rival. His antennae tingled at the thought of the human. It was the same reason he so badly wanted to hold his hand, the _private_ way. 

As the humans put it, he was hopelessly in love with Dib. There was no doubt left in his mind. 

The worst part of it all was he couldn't even pinpoint when it started. He had a nasty habit of ignoring memories where Dib came too close to befriending him, and only now, since Dib had banned him from doing so, was he allowing himself to <strike>remember</strike> accept his kind advances.

"I don't know. Just thinking out loud here." Dib finished lamely.

The idea of Dib leaving him, not wanting him, not _loving_ him, tore through his analogous heart organ with a fierce slash. 

The door opened and he urged Dib back inside. 

He slammed the autumn night away and yanked on the black coat, forcing Dib to bend down. Snatching Dib's lips in his own, he wrapped his tiny arms around his neck. His nose was cold. 

Not wanting to say it out loud, he hoped Dib got the message with every subtle movement. He wrote _'I adore you'_ with his tongue on pink lips, and pulled away with a sad smile. 

  
"Are you still sleepy?" 

"Not really." Dib muttered. "Being outside kinda woke me up." 

He bent down to kiss Zim again. 

  
When they broke the kiss, Dib found his antennae were still lingering around his face, tapping lightly at his scalp. Zim sighed for a second then stepped a little closer, black stalks vibrating a bit faster, with a sour look on his face.

"You smell wrong." He stated bluntly.

"Wrong?" Dib repeated.

"You reek of sweat and, _uncleanliness_." He grabbed Dib's hand and pulled.

"Where are we going?" 

"To clean you! My human will not being smelling like a gaspleegasplorch!" 

Dib swallowed back a quick defense of his, less than stellar, showering routines, to instead focus his thoughts on the newest pet name. 

_My human_.

He supposed that was right. Zim did belong to him after all. Dib didn't mind being Zim's too.

  
"Okay, but where are we going for that?" 

"Have you the brain worms?" Zim sighed. "I'm taking you to the wash room. Be happy I didn't simply hose you down like I do with GIR." 

  
A long walk and elevator ride later, they finally entered the room. Sterile air hung heavy around them, like a thick cloud of freshness, lining the bright white walls. A large square basin of clear blue jelly sat in the middle and Zim was already peeling his pink uniform off his body. A stark contrast from earlier when he was blushing at the thought of holding hands, he now stood completely nude, no shame present. 

"What are you waiting for? Lose the clothes!" Zim said, slipping into the square pool. The liquid looked viscous, maybe the thickness of that fancy shampoo Gaz bought sometimes. 

Dib stripped down, half assed folded clothes set on the ground next to Zim's oppressively neat display. He dipped a toe into the liquid and was surprised to find it was quite warm. Maybe it was just the color, but it looked cold before. 

"It's not going to hurt you," Zim explained. "It's an Irken patented antibacterial gel. Mass produced and used throughout the main sectors in armada conquered territory. If Vortians can use it, I would be immensely surprised to see you react negatively." 

He splashed a little and gave a small smile, persuading Dib to enter. 

The gel surrounded his body like a wonderful blanket. Warm and cozy. He sank a little deeper, until his shoulders were covered, and relaxed into the sweet smelling bath. It had a scent he couldn't place; mechanical, but with a hint of something that used to be organic. 

Dib's eyes fluttered opened and he grinned at Zim, just a foot across from him. 

"You don't have any towels," Dib noted. The room was very empty, just the pool, which was maybe about five feet in length and four in depth, and the people inside.

"Don't need them. The gel won't keep you wet, see for yourself." 

A hand raised out from under the blue liquid and Dib stared in awe as, in just a couple seconds, he was dry again. 

"Woah. That's, actually really cool." 

Zim beamed, as if speaking anything positive about his home world was a compliment directed at him. 

"Yes. When this brand became widely used during my elite training, it was common to find bored soldiers lounging in the wash rooms, since it wouldn't leave any evidence." 

"Did you ever sneak off?" 

Zim smirked and directed his gaze towards his claws.

"Maybe." 

They scooted closer, the gel sloshing with their movements. Zim leaned into Dib's shoulder. It was, nice. Dib could pretend like it was a scene in a happy movie where the main character and his love interest were lounging in a Jacuzzi, even if the liquid they were sitting in was stagnate. And not water. 

"Do you ever miss Irk?" Dib asked.

Zim paused and Dib felt an antenna hit the back of his neck as he thought in silence. Neutral expression. A sure sign he had something on his mind.

"I haven't lately." Zim muttered.

  
Dib wasn't sure why, but those words filled him with electric warmth. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine that electricity spreading from his chest and filling the room. 

"It's hard to miss something you've been away from for so long. And there's a good chance their technology has already outdated what I've been trained with, what I've been _using._ Everything is very, fast, on Irk. Our paks supply us with so much, an Irken could practically live forever." Zim frowned and faced Dib.

"But humans live for such short times and live so, so _slowly_. Your lives are tedious and filled with superfluous, stuff. That is very bizarre...to me." 

Dib nodded like he understood, despite the fact he was sure he couldn't. 

The soft skin of his cheek returned to it's rightful place on Dib's shoulder.

"Irkens are designed, predisposed to whatever it is we are going to be. I was given a purpose the moment I hatched, but, humans are born, just for the sake of it!" Zim marveled at the concept.

  
Dib ground his teeth bitterly. The sting from the last encounter with his father barely dulled.

"Yeah, most of us anyway..." 

Big pink eyes blinked at him in confusion. 

"You were not...?" 

"No," Dib muttered. "I'm a special case." 

Now wasn't the time for this. They were cozied up together in the warmth, things finally pleasant for once. Relaxed, happy. That's what Dib wanted right? 

Right.

  
"I don't want to talk about it..." Dib responded to the lack of prompting. 

It was too late though. The mood was already soured as Dib remembered the laundry list of things they needed to discuss but didn't want to. He didn't even know if Zim was still planning to invade the earth. Frankly, part of him didn't _want_ to know in case the answer wasn't what he wanted to hear.

He wasn't even sure which answer was right at this point.

He rested his hand on Zim's knee and slid up his thigh, squeezing gently. Yes, _good_. Touching Zim was very, very good. It kept him grounded. Sometimes it felt like his thoughts might float him away, but Zim could anchor them. 

A small noise fell from Zim's lips. Even better. He idly stroked the alien's slit, not really looking to get off. Not really sure what he was looking for. 

"Dib..." 

The desperation was there again, just like the first time Dib touched him. Just like last night. This time, maybe something a bit more vulnerable. He leaned over the small body below him and hoisted Zim over the edge, only his legs still submerged. 

  
Fingers pressed against his slit, just barely asking permission. 

Zim swallowed and parted his thighs, just barely giving permission. 

He trembled when the first digit entered, slowly, and gripped Dib's shoulder. It was magical and strange to feel the tiny feelers bloom while still inside him. Curling his finger, he sought for Zim's length, another odd sensation to feel prematurely. 

His claws dug much faster into his flesh when they were exposed. 

Dib coaxed his tentacle out, wrapping his hand around the base. A splash was heard as Zim lightly kicked his legs instinctively. He wrapped both arms around Dib and clung.

When he entered again, Zim's feelers were unfurled and pulsing, glistening with a hint of pink. Dib hummed to himself, staring at the highly flexible organ in one hand and the soft opening he pet with the other and wondered if the old adage of 'go fuck yourself' could actually be completed. Although, that gave him an idea...

He let go of Zim's length and yanked one of his hands off his shoulder, bringing it down to his nether regions. A little confused, Zim stared at him with a cocked antenna.

"I wanna watch you do it." He murmured, wetting his lips.

"W-what?"

"How do you get yourself off, Zim?" He backed away from the alien, sinking into the gel once more. It didn't burn his fresh cuts like water did.

"I wanna see what you look like when I'm not around to touch you." 

Timidly, Zim wrapped a hand around his length, not yet moving. Eyes glued to Dib's face.

"I want to see what you do when you're thinking about me. How you touch yourself." 

  
Maybe some part of Dib should've felt shame at his voyeuristic desires, but he was too enraptured to think clearly. It excited him to see Zim nervous and exposed. And from the amount of pink dripping down his thighs, it looked like it excited him too. 

  
Eyes closed, Zim began to stroke. Light pants echoed throughout the highly acoustic room and caused him to blush even more. 

It was a private show just for Dib. Fantasies of exposing Zim to the world turned on their head and suddenly, that idea was far less appealing. This was for his eyes only. _Zim_ was for his eyes only. 

A menagerie of chirps and moans were poorly muffled by his hand as Zim started to pick up the pace. 

"Don't hold back, pretend I'm not here..." Dib whispered, eyes dark, hand reaching down to his own arousal. 

"D-dib..." Zim whimpered. His small, clawed toes curled in the bath. Moaning something in Irken, he pet at his entrance with his other hand. 

He moaned Dib's name like it was the only English word he knew, strange Irken sounds taking up most of his vocabulary. Dib wondered if he only moaned in English when they fucked, just for him.

_Oh_, that sent a scorching wave of heat through his abdomen. 

Zim was so fucking beautiful and so fucking hot and oh god, Dib wished he had a camera. He wanted to keep a little picture of Zim wherever he went, vent dripping, legs spread, the obscene material always sitting in his pocket, to do with as he pleased. 

A loud chirp snapped him back to attention. It seemed his original stage fright was beginning to wear off as noises rolled off Zim's tongue as fast as the gel they were sitting in. He had always known Zim was, for lack of a better term, a bit of an attention whore. The past couple years especially, his schemes had been half-hearted, their main purpose, not to cause destruction, but simply to get Dib's attention. If he could figure out a way to spin that for his own gain... Dib made a mental note to take out his old camera. 

Zim gasped loudly, in anticipation of speaking, but his eyes flung open and he slapped a hand over his mouth instead. The tone shift immediate. Suddenly, his pink eyes were big and watery. Dib rushed towards him.

"Oh no, Zim, don't cry." Dib whispered, running a thumb along the tears. He caught the fallen drops with his finger, and without thinking, brought his thumb between his lips and tasted. Sweet. 

A part of his stomach turned at the sight of Zim weeping, but another part skipped. There was something so beautiful seeing him broken like this. And half of him almost wanted to see it again. 

"Hey if you don't- we don't have to do this." Dib said, trying his best attempt at consoling him.   
"If you don't want to, you can say that." 

Zim shook his head and pushed his palms into his eyes. Antenna flicking wildly. Dib didn't need to look to know his genitals had already retracted. 

"I- ugh. No, it's not that..." he sighed in frustration. 

"Then what is it?" 

Nothing.

"Zim, please just tell me what's wrong." 

He squirmed like Dib asked him to recite the entire history of the universe in thirty seconds or less. Dib was starting to get a little pissed. 

"What is it that you _actually_ want from me?" 

"I-I..." Zim faltered and hung his head. 

"Is there something important you aren't telling me?" Dib pressed, arms crossed. 

"No!" Zim cried. "I mean- yes? No. No! I don't know!" He tugged on his antennae. 

"You don't know." Dib repeated, tone icy. 

  
This was pointless. Talking to Zim was like talking to a wall half the time, and any remaining shred of arousal had left his body. He started to climb out of the pool. 

"No wait don't go!" Zim tugged at his arm. "Don't leave Zim! Please don't leave me! You can't leave me!" 

Tears threatened to fall again, lip quivering. Dib sank back into the gel and cradled Zim's face. 

"What are you so worked up about?" He whispered. It was almost laughable, the way such a small creature could possess such extreme passion.

"Don't patronize me..." Zim scoffed, though there was little power behind it.

"I'm not." 

"You think I'm overreacting." 

"I think you should tell me the truth." Dib offered and stroked his cheek. Was it even possible to get over how soft his skin was? 

Zim hummed and pressed into the touch instead. It was a subtle noise, similar to a purr, a little more chirrup-y. He pushed past Dibs hands and crawled into his arms, clinging tightly and floating in the gel. 

Dib sighed and hugged him close. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen but did anything ever go according to plan? With Zim involved? What was he thinking. 

"I'm sorry, I really didn't want to fight tonight..." Dib muttered. He kissed the top of Zim's head. 

He hiccuped and held Dib even tighter. Shame tied his stomach in knots. Mostly out of empathy. And, though he'd hate to admit it, partly because he still found the image of Zim crying, hauntingly captivating. 

"It's okay..." 

He was glad this wasn't water because if it was, Dib certainly would've been all wrinkly, given how long they had been soaking for. He rubbed steady circles on Zim's back until he was confident he stopped crying at least ten minutes ago. 

He motioned to pull away but Zim wouldn't budge. 

"We should probably get out of here." Dib muttered.

"Mm. Why?" 

Rolling his eyes, he scooped Zim into a more steady position, walking out of the pool with the tiny alien in his arms. The gel rolled off his skin and evaporated before he even had time to notice. 

He carried Zim back into the living room and set him on the couch. 

"I'm gonna go back and get our clothes-"

Zim, appalled, cut him off.

"I _just_ got you CLEAN! You are NOT putting those NASTY things back on!" 

Dib flinched.

"What am I supposed to wear then?" 

Zim smirked. "Who said you were to wear anything?" 

"I'm begining to think this was all just a ploy to keep me naked..." 

"You weren't clean! Zim had to wash you like a smeet!" He said in mock disappointment. 

Dib sat on the couch in defeat, accepting his role as Zim's newest eye candy. And, knowing how clingy he could be, probably his cushion too.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Zim asked, crawling under his arm and pressing against his chest.

"Sure."

  
Dib decided not to bring up the fact that Zim wasn't wearing his gloves. Somehow, it didn't seem important.


	8. Placebos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what they say about curiosity...

"Hellooooooooooo!"

Unfathomably bright blue lights were burning holes into Dib's corneas. 

"Gah!" 

Dib pushed the eager little robot onto the ground with a clunk. Rubbing his eyes and stretching a little, he realized he had fallen asleep, again, on Zim's couch. He peeked under the trenchcoat that had been thrown over him like a blanket. Yep, still naked. 

He turned to GIR, who was looking right back at him, not even the least bit offended he just got tossed on the floor. 

"Where's Zim?" 

Mechanical giggles erupted from GIR and he pointed to his bare chest.

"You was nakey! Master was nakey too!" 

Dib was too tired for this. And wasn't Zim's robot supposed to be advanced Irken technology? He treated it like a toddler half the time.

"Yeah, uh huh. Where's Zim?" 

Dib buttoned his coat to provide at least _some_ coverage from GIR's, well, innocent eyes wasn't exactly right, but close enough. Wearing nothing but a trenchcoat did make him feel a little sleazy though; like he was in a poorly written porno with not so much a plot as much as gratuitous sex scenes that were barely strung together. 

Luckily for his self esteem, Zim had brought his clothes back while he was out. They looked clean too. He picked up the phone placed atop the pile and tried to turn it on. Dead. 

"In the refrigerator!" GIR squeaked. 

Dib reached for his pants, folded neatly at the foot of the couch. 

"The- wait what?" He asked, shoving a leg into his jeans.

GIR motioned for him to follow and they walked into the kitchen. He had never been in this part of Zim's house, though really, he could say that for most of it. The decor hadn't changed since that one day six years ago when he watched Zim do nothing but have breakfast for about ten minutes. 

  
Wait a second...

"WAFFLE TIME!" GIR shrieked and handed a plate of ungodly amounts of delicious breakfast goodness to Dib, who could do nothing but cower at the sheer magnitude in which GIR could scream.

"Uh, I'm not very hungry--" 

The sad look in those electric blue eyes could turn a man insane. 

"...I guess I can have one..." Dib surrendered. GIR perked right back up and vibrated with joy.

  
The first bite was, pleasant enough. A little underdone, but overall very passable, especially for a robot gremlin, servant-thing. But the second bite...

"_What_ did you put in this?" Dib coughed. It was chalky and bitter, and coated his throat with a vengeance.

"Powdery stuff! In the box!" 

"What box?"

GIR climbed to the counter with his tiny legs and opened the cupboard. He tossed the aforementioned box onto the table. 

"This is, baby powder..." Dib sighed.

"The woman at the big grocery said I was a baby!" 

For the next fifteen minutes, Dib was stuck playing Russian roulette with tainted waffles while GIR told him confusing stories about the various tasks Zim had him do. 

"-And then he took the onion back!" GIR finished, as he slapped another waffle onto Dib's plate.

He couldn't take much more of this.

With the sweetest face he could muster, he turned to the robot. "Hey GIR, can I see Zim?" 

Confused mechanical humming.

"Do you know where Zim is?" He tried again.

"Yes!" 

"Okay," Dib exhaled. "Can you take me to him?" 

"Nope!" 

No?

"What? Why not?"

GIR looked, something. He was still smiling but a quick, almost imperceptible, flash of red lit his eyes. 

"You have to eat all your food!" He shrieked and shoved the towering stack back in Dib's direction. 

He groaned. The inside of his mouth tasted disgusting, and he was pretty sure if he kept eating, he was going to get sick. Simply being polite had never been enough to keep him in a uncomfortable social situation before, and he wasn't about to let a machine be the first. 

Dib stood up and started walking back to the living room. GIR yanked on his sleeve and pulled as hard as he could, crying loudly.

"Noooooooooooooo!" 

  
Weren't Irkens supposed to be ruthless and independent? Why was everything in this house unbearably clingy?

"Master said Mary can't go in there right now! He's gonna get mad and take away my piggie!" GIR explained with teary eyes. 

Why did Zim want him out of that room? Oh now Dib was _sure_ he had to see. He stared at GIR, plan quickly formulating. 

"Remember when me and Zim were kissing and you said we were married?" 

GIR flipped moods in a flash.

"MARRIED!?" 

Dib remembered the conversation he had last night with Zim about Irken customs, and wondered if there wasn't some truth to his statement. 

"That's right, GIR. So that makes _me_ your other master now." 

Dib was positive that was not at all how marriages worked, human or otherwise, but it didn't look hard to convince the naive machine that was the truth. He already considered it the truth, if their earlier interactions were to be believed.

"Okay!" GIR said cheerfully. His eyes went dark for a moment, glowing parts dimmed. He bounced back up again, lights on, and gave Dib's leg a tight squeeze. 

"Master!" 

With a confused smile, Dib bent down and pat GIR on the head before hooking his hands under the little arms and lifting him into the air. 

"Where is your master?" 

GIR pointed at him.

A brief thought crossed his mind. Was this a permanent change? Dib hoped this wouldn't backfire later.

"Okay, where is your _other_ master." 

GIR pointed in the direction of the living room.

"Okay. Great job." He praised. GIR beamed at him and wiggled.

"What is he doing?" 

"Master is calling the Tallest!" 

His leaders? Dib tried to remember what they looked like. The first, and only time, he'd ever seen them had been around six years ago. 

Thanking GIR, he set the robot gently on the ground, though the care with which he did so was probably unnecessary. Dib exited the room, the sounds of lips smacking and syrup drizzling, fading into the background.

  
Zim knew it was a longshot to rely on GIR for much of anything, but was fairly confident he could keep Dib occupied for at least thirty minutes. So when the kitchen door slammed open and Dib was sternly walking towards him, Zim's first reaction was confusion. Then panic.

"You can't be in here!" He cried, running towards the human. Dib stood his ground, a little more than annoyed.

"So I've heard. What's going on Zim?" 

"Dib," he started. "I need you to leave, right now. I am expecting a call from My Tallest and they _cannot_ see that you are here, understand?" 

"Wha-"

_Incoming Call_

Zim cursed and shoved Dib out of the way, hoping he landed offscreen somewhere. 

The screen of his TV flashed and two pairs of big shiny eyes blinked. One pair purple, the other red. 

"My Tallest!" Zim cried and saluted immediately. 

Bored eyes met each other, clearly ready to get the formality over with. Though that was probably just another expression of their professionalism. He was Irk's finest invader. His Tallest adored him.

Red opened his mouth, about to say something, when Purple interrupted with squinted eyes.

"What's that?" He pointed a clawed finger behind Zim. 

Dib was sheepishly trying to exit but he hadn't been fast enough. 

Fuck.

  
Zim pulled at the hem of his tunic nervously.

"Nevermind him, My Tallest, that's just the Dib, my weak human nemesis." 

Saying those words out loud felt funny. He hadn't thought of Dib in that way for, a while now.

Red and Purple glanced at each other. 

"He seems underdressed for an enemy." Purple said, bluntly pointing out his lack of shirt.

"Humans are frequently immodest, My Tallest. Make no mistake, he is nothing more than a pathetic, large-headed annoyance."

"Hey!" 

Zim turned around and shot him a look that hopefully communicated 'what else am I supposed to tell them? Do you have a better idea?' and faced his leaders again with a nervous smile.

Not entirely convinced of Zim's honesty, they looked him up and down. Red whispered something into Purple's antennae, who nodded in return. It was probably nothing. 

"Are humans, monogamous?" Red asked.

Caught off guard, Zim faltered a little and answered honestly.

"Most are, My Tallest."

Why would they want to know-

"Does your human _enemy_ know about your mate on Irk?" 

  
_What?_ What were they talking about? 

"My Tallest, you must be confused, Zim has no-"

"She's been waiting for you Zim." Purple spoke with a wicked smile. "She calls frequently, hoping we can connect her to you. Earth really is so far away. She misses you." 

Oh no. They were _taunting_ him. It wasn't uncommon for tall Irkens, especially mated pairs, to poke fun at a shorter's lack of privileges. He clenched his fists, _begging _the universe that Dib, his gloriously intelligent but quick to jump to conclusions Dib, was smart enough to see through their games.

Zim shut his eyes at the sound of his partner's voice.

"_What_?" 

Dib walked into their field of vision, body a penultimate expression of fury. 

"You have a _mate_?"

"No! That isn't true!" Zim pleaded. He wanted to reach out to Dib, reassure him there was no one else, explain that his Tallest suspected the two of being mated and were fishing for information, but he kept his body language cold and collected. 

"Are you saying we're lying Zim?" 

"N-no!" Zim stammered. "Of course not, My Tallest..."

  
"Yeah, she's very pretty. And tall too!"

"Quite the catch!" Purple added. 

They were playing with Dib's jealous heartstrings like a violin. 

  
"They were going to get encoded together!" Red said, through a bout of poorly contained giggles. Purple was biting his lip, trying not to laugh, and clinging to his co-leader for stability. 

That pissed Dib off something fierce. 

"I thought you said Invaders weren't allowed to have mates..." 

They weren't. He wasn't allowed. 

"Well, he lied!" Purple exclaimed. The two Irkens watched the chaos like hungry predators, eyeing the destruction they caused with great joy.

Dib walked closer to Zim and Zim backed away. He could not, he _would not,_ prove them right. Zim could suffer through their taunts, hell, Zim could suffer through another fight. He could grit his teeth and bear weeks of hurt feelings, as long as it meant he didn't have to leave Dib. But if they had evidence to prove the coupling of an Irken invader and an alien? They couldn't fix deactivation... 

  
"I thought..." Dib muttered.

"What did you think?" Zim answered blankly. It had to mean nothing. He told himself it meant nothing because if he believed it hard enough, it could be true. And if it was true, he wouldn't get caught.

Dib shook his head in disgust, directed more at himself than Zim. The anger seemed to drain away and refill his body with a empty sadness, which worried Zim even more. He knew how to handle an angry Dib, he'd done so for years. A depressed Dib, that was a different situation entirely. 

Dib laughed in defeat and muttered to himself. "But, why would you anyway? This was a stupid mistake. Why did I even help you with your heat to begin with...?" 

  
"Ha! Look at that Pur! I was right!" 

They snapped their eyes onto the screen, where the two devious dictators looked back at them in return. 

"We're honestly surprised you lasted this long, Zim." Red chuckled.

Lasted this long?

"My Tallest, what are you-"

"Zim, you haven't been taking suppressants for years." 

_Years?_ That couldn't possibly be true.

"But that's impossible! Zim has only gone through one heat!" 

"Yeah, consider yourself a late bloomer," Purple smirked.

"B-but the pills?" 

"Placebos. It would have been a waste of resources otherwise. Although we stopped sending those a few weeks ago too." 

"But- WHY?" 

Purple and Red's eyes met.

"You _know_ why Zim." Purple said.

"We maintain status updates to keep all active Irkens on file but..." Red trailed off.

"Zim, you aren't an invader." Purple stated simply. "You never were."

What? That wasn't true! Zim was the best invader! He was given a secret mission! His Tallest adored him! This was simply more of their teasing. 

"I don't know how many times we have to tell you this. Every year we have this exact conversation." Red sighed. "Not that we really care, but it makes for repetitive updates."

"It's a waste of time!" Purple chimed in.

In his peripheral vision, Zim could see Dib's eyes widen. He ignored it, brushing it off. 

"My Tallest, perhaps you are mistaken." Zim offered. "I have never been informed of this inaccurate... information, before." 

"That's great Zim. Okay, well, you're still alive apparently so that concludes our--"

"Wait, Zim," Dib started before Zim had a chance to stop him. "Did you lock those memories?"

His words weren't heard, as much as the sounds triggered an immediate response of panic in all parties present.

"Dib..." Zim gritted, slowly through his teeth. "Stop talking..."

Too late.

"Lock? Memories?" Purple said uneasily. "But, that's..." 

"That's Control Brains level activity." Red finished, looking just as disturbed. "You've been commiting level 3 crimes against the empire!?" He pushed away from Purple and floated closer to the screen.

"How is that even _possible_!?"

"My Tallest, please, I can explain--"

Red floated into the distance and began to type something into into the Massive's main control panel, leaving Purple to continue to gawking at the screen. A foreign voice, similar to the one that Zim's pak spoke with, boomed throughout the room

_Code Pink: emergency protocol engaged, defective subject must be quarantined_

The doors of Zim's base slammed closed, a blue field of light projected around them before turning invisible. 

_Subject declared contained. All PAK functions disabled and under Control Brain moderation_

Zim didn't hear the Tallest sign off. He didn't need to. His base was dark, lights shut off. 

"Zim...?" 

He sank to the ground. Numb. 

The only light came from the dull pink glow of his pak. Eyes scrunched together. Distantly, he was aware of a hand resting on his shoulder. It was drowned out by a crescendo of painful moments flooding through his body. The color blue... The smell of oil... The sound of a human voice... 

He shook under Dib's grasp and kicked him away. Hard.

"Fuck you." He whispered through gritted teeth. The feeling of betrayal...

"Zim I-" 

"FUCK YOU!" 

The solid smack of Dib's body hitting the ground barely pleased his antennae.

"YOU!" He screamed through horrible hot tears.

"YOU KILLED ME! I AM _DEAD!_ ZIM IS _DEAD!_" 

"Zim, I _swear_ to you, I didn't know-" 

"NO!" He cried, stomach lurching. He wanted to vomit. He wanted to scream and kick and break Dib's ribs one by one, cheering with every revolting snap or crunch. If the option was available, he could've considered impaling the human's body with freshly sharpened pak legs, until apologies weren't the only thing it would be coughing up. 

Instead, Zim slammed his hands onto his head and dragged his claws into his skin until he could smell blood.

"They're coming..." he choked out between repulsive, heavy sobs. The threat of deactivation loomed over him like a scavenger yearning to pick his bones; shadowy figures in his mind's eye slithering over his body as he began to lose cognizance. Grotesque pictures flashed past his eyes in unison to lights on his back.

Dib gasped as Zim hit the ground.


End file.
